


Lovesick

by snakeling



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 01:31:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13113093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakeling/pseuds/snakeling
Summary: Carisi apparently talked him up so much that when Rafael meets his parents, they assume he’s their son’s boyfriend.Now if only Rafael could explain why he went along with it.





	1. Day 1 - Wednesday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lawyerboyfriends](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawyerboyfriends/gifts).



> Angeliccarisi prompted me with "Pre-Barisi to Barisi. Sonny gets sick at the precinct and Rafael offers to take him home because the squad is swamped with a difficult case. Rafael takes care of him." It kinda ballooned from there... I hope you like it!
> 
> Thanks to [Crazybutsound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazybutsound/pseuds/Crazybutsound) for the beta and encouragement.

Rafael wasn’t sure fire regulations allowed for as many people as were currently crammed in the open floor of the precinct. There had to be at least fifty uniforms, listening with attention to what Olivia was saying. Fin and Rollins were by her side, but curiously, Carisi was nowhere to be seen.

He scanned the room, but it didn’t magically make Carisi appear. The Detective was probably out and about on whatever was occupying everyone else. How obnoxious of him.

Rollins left her post, skirting the crowd to reach Rafael. “Counselor! As you can see, it’s not really the right time. Can it wait?”

“Not really, no, but I can leave it on Carisi’s desk. I suppose he’ll come back here at some point.”

She brightened. “Oh, he’s not out. He’s in the interview room. You can go. Actually…” She paused and considered Rafael thoughtfully. “Maybe you can persuade him to go home.”

“Home? Everyone is out and you want to send Carisi home?”

Rollins shook her head. He recognized the look in her eyes. Concern. “He’s sick,” she said. “Probably nothing serious, but he’s been feeling poorly for a couple of days and he didn’t get enough rest. And you know how Carisi is.”

“He insisted on working.” The Hodda trial had driven something home that Rafael hadn’t quite assimilated before. He probably should have realized sooner that a man who pursued law studies while working full-time as a police detective had a very impressive work ethic. Of course he would work while sick if he thought his colleagues needed him. Rafael rolled his eyes. “Say no more.”

Rollins smiled brilliantly at him and jogged back to her post.

Through the window of the interview room, Rafael could see Carisi, his back to the door, wrapped in his coat as if he was cold. After a short rap, Rafael opened the door and immediately felt as if he’d stepped inside a sauna.

He went round the table until he could face Carisi, who raised his eyes and frowned as if noticing him for the first time. “Barba? What…”

Carisi’s face was flushed and shiny with sweat. His eyes were bleary and dull and he seemed to be reacting twice as slowly as usual.

Rafael set the file in front of him and said, “Signature, Carisi. Not like you to be sloppy with paperwork.”

Slowly, Carisi’s eyes went from Rafael’s face to the manila folder in front of him, with the bewildered air of someone who had no idea what was going on.

Rafael opened the folder and leafed through until he found the right page. Plucking a pen from the pot, he handed it to Carisi and put a finger right where he needed his signature.

After a few interminable minutes, Carisi finally moved enough to get the pen from Rafael’s hand and scrawled a nearly unreadable signature.

Rafael closed the folder and slipped it inside his case.

“Thank you. Now up, I’m taking you home.”

That got a reaction. “What, no! There’s a v-violent rapist out there and I n-need to—” He was interrupted by a fit of coughing.

Rafael placed the back of his hand on Carisi’s forehead. It was burning. “Need to nothing, you’re in no shape to help. Up.”

Carisi tried a last protest. “But…”

“Up. Put your coat on properly and collect your belongings.”

Carisi seemed to recognize he didn’t have the upper hand in this scenario and obeyed. It was fascinating, in a way, to watch him move, as if every gesture was made through treacle.

When Carisi was done, Rafael put a hand on his shoulder and guided him outside. On the way to the elevator, he caught Rollins’s eye and gave her a firm nod.

The night was young still, but it was January and it was already full dark out. Rafael paused in the middle of ordering a Lyft to ask Carisi about his home address. With the Detective in his current state, it was a bit of a struggle to get a coherent answer, but they managed it after a few false starts.

The ride only lasted twenty minutes or so, but Carisi still fell asleep, his head lolling on the seat, slipping on Rafael’s shoulder when the driver took an abrupt turn.

Carisi didn’t even try to straighten, and Rafael suspected he’d actually passed out. He was heavy and too warm, and he was shaking from the fever.

Rafael shook his shoulder gently. “Carisi, what’s your apartment number? And give me your keys.”

Carisi roused himself enough to dig up his keys from his pocket and hand them to Rafael without questions, which Rafael privately found a little worrying. Would he hand them to a total stranger, in this state?

“Th-thirty-two. On the th-third floor.”

Carisi made an effort to sit up, clearly tiring himself. Rafael wrapped a hand around his neck and gently helped him to rest his head on Rafael’s shoulder.

“I’ve got you,” he said, confident that Carisi wouldn’t remember it, or at least would attribute it to a fever dream.

When they arrived in front of the nondescript brownstone, Rafael paid the driver and helped Carisi out. Once upright, he swayed like a pole in the wind, and Rafael looked at him alarmingly.

Thankfully, there was an elevator, and it was even in working order. Rafael half-dragged Carisi along with him to his door, then prepped him up on the wall while he unlocked the apartment.

Rafael wasn’t sure what he’d expected to find inside, if he’d even thought about it, but he was surprised by the number of books, some in carefully arranged rows, others haphazardly piled in every available space on the bookshelves.

Rafael led Carisi to the bedroom and lightly pushed him onto the bed, keeping a hand on his shoulder.

“Do you think you can take off your clothes on your own?”

Carisi seemed to give the question serious thought.

“Yes,” he finally decided.

“All right.” Rafael decided to trust Carisi for the time being. “Give me your gun. Do you have a safe?”

“Course!” Carisi abandoned his struggle with his belt to blink indignantly at him. “Closet by the door.” He finally managed to take off his gun, holster and all, and handed it along with his badge to Rafael.

Rafael took both and found the closet, hidden by the open door. As advertised, there was a small safe inside the closet, with a red led display and a keypad. He turned his back on Carisi while he was disrobing. 

“What’s the code?”

When no answer came, he looked back at Carisi, who’d managed to get rid of his jacket and shirt and was turned away, displaying his back, and a truly spectacular rash that spanned from shoulder to shoulder, all the way from his nape to the small of his back.

Rafael sucked in a breath. That was not a symptom of the flu. He refrained from immediately checking on Carisi. Priorities first.

“Carisi!” he called, a little louder, catching his attention. “The code. To the safe.”

There was a delay, then, “Four first numbers of my Fordham Law student ID.”

Rafael waited a few seconds for him to elaborate. When nothing more was forthcoming, he prompted, “And those are?”

Carisi looked blank, then brightened. “Seven-one-two-nine. A D for Dominick.”

A D for Dominick? This wasn’t the best time to analyze Carisi’s convoluted thought process, so Rafael ignored it and imputed the figures.

The door beeped and swung open, showing a thick old envelope, probably containing Carisi’s important papers. Rafael set the gun and badge over it and closed the door.

He hurried back to Carisi, who’d managed to open his pants and slide them down, but was stumped by the fact that he hadn’t taken off his shoes. Rafael took a minute to help him unlace them, then pushed him gently to look at his back.

The spots were red and moist, and Rafael avoided them, placing his fingers on the unblemished skin in between to pull it taut and get a better look.

He was no doctor, and he was sure this should be looked at by someone better qualified.

“Carisi, put some comfortable clothes. We’re going to the ER.”

“Nooo. Tired,” Carisi interjected.

Apparently the fever shaved about thirty years off his age. Rafael sighed, but as Carisi moved to obey, he didn’t actually comment.

“Do you have health insurance?” Probably, but it didn’t hurt to check. “Where do you keep your information?”

Carisi made a vague gesture in the direction of the bookshelves. Looking closer, Rafael saw that there was a metal file box on the lower shelf. Inside were a series of neatly labeled folders. He took the one entitled “HEALTH”. Leafing through it, he saw that they were using the same provider, which would help. He slid the folder into his case, and turned back to Carisi, who was trying to fit his head into the armhole of a tee-shirt. Rafael sorted him out.

He waited until the signal from the Lyft driver indicated that he was close before dragging Carisi down with him. It was awkward, as Carisi had at least two inches on him. He poured him into the backseat, then settled on the other side.

* * *

It was busy in the ER, of course. Rafael led Carisi to a nurse, who whipped out an ear-thermometer and checked Carisi’s temperature. She mostly looked annoyed when it turned out to be over 104.

“Flu, I suppose. How long has he had the fever?”

“Not sure. I collected him from work about—” He checked his watch. “— two hours ago now, and he was already in a bad state when I arrived. But I don’t think it’s the flu, look.”

Rafael manhandled Carisi until he was wrapped around Rafael, exposing his back to the nurse. He shuffled the shirt up. _That_ made the nurse lose her cool.

She bent over, pushing the shirt further away to examine the rash. After a few seconds, she straightened up and looked at Rafael with piercing eyes and a frown that made Rafael want to spill everything, starting with the fact that he’d been the one who’d broken Alex’s favorite crayon when they were both in kindergarten. That woman was wasted in the medical field, Rafael decided.

“Did you give him aspirin or ibuprofen? Any anti-inflammatory? Tylenol is fine.”

“Nothing!” He hesitated. “But I don’t know what he could have taken before.”

“All right. Don’t worry about it.”

At that moment, an orderly arrived with a gurney. Rafael helped Carisi lie down. He was whisked away immediately, and the nurse led him to another waiting room, this one significantly smaller and less busy.

The nurse handed a sheaf of papers to Rafael. “Can you fill these, please? What’s his name?”

“Dominick Carisi Jr.” After a moment, he added, “Sonny.” He looked down at the papers, and startled up when the nurse put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, your partner is in fine hands.”

With a last pat, she left, while Rafael looked at her, his mouth open in shock. By the time he thought to correct her, she was already gone.

While he was filling in what he could, once or twice referring to the files he’d taken from Carisi, he received a text from Carmen. Abruptly, he remembered that he had an appointment with Buchanan he was going to be late for, and later, one with Rita.

He sent back a message asking Carmen to reschedule Buchanan. The problem was that he couldn’t do that with Rita. After a minute’s reflection, he sent another text to Carmen, asking if she had telephone numbers on file for Bella Carisi or Tommy Sullivan. Her usual efficient self, Carmen came through with Bella’s number.

A first attempt sent him to her voicemail. Figuring she might simply screening calls, he left a short message asking her to call him back, then sent a text saying the same thing. Sure enough, a couple of minutes later, she called him.

“Is Sonny all right? What happened?”

Bella Carisi sounded panicked and Rafael cursed himself for not foreseeing the problem.

“He’s unharmed,” he said in his best soothing voice. “Sorry for frightening you.”

“Oh thank God,” she said. She took several deep breaths.

“He’s not quite all right, though, that’s why I’m calling you.” Before she could imagine the worst, he hurried to explain. “He has a high fever and a rash. I took him to the ER. He’s with a doctor now, I think, but I can’t stay. I have an appointment later that I can’t miss. Could you come and take over?”

“If he has something contagious, I can’t come, because of the baby, but… Wait a minute.”

Rafael heard bits of muffled conversation, then Bella picked up the phone again.

“My parents are here, so they’re going to join you and keep an eye on Sonny. What hospital are you at?”

“Mount Sinai.”

“All right. My parents will be there in thirty minutes, forty tops. You can’t miss Dad, he looks exactly like Sonny, but thirty years older.” Rafael could hear the fond affection in her words.

There was a protest in the background, said in a deep gruff voice coming, Rafael supposed, from said father. He smiled, vaguely envious of their easy rapport.

“All right. I’m not in the main waiting room, so they’ll probably need to ask someone. Give them my number just in case.”

“Will do. Thank you, Mr Barba.”

When he’d hung up, he saved her number, then when a text from ‘Dom Carisi’ came in a few seconds later, saved that one too. After expediting Carisi’s paperwork, Rafael busied himself answering emails, making a nice dent in his backlog before the Carisis arrived.

When they did, Carisi’s mother immediately engulfed him into a tight hug.

“I’m so happy to finally meet you!” she told him once she released him. “Though I wish it could have been under better circumstances, of course. And I wish my baby would have told us you’d finally got together. Though of course we’ve all spent the best part of two years teasing him about his crush on you…”

Carisi’s father set a hand on her shoulder. “Come on, Tessa, let the poor boy breathe. Dom Carisi.” He extended a hand to Rafael, who took it automatically, still reeling from Tessa Carisi’s revelations.

Carisi had a crush on him? Rafael knew he had a bad case of hero-worship, because that was probably obvious from the Moon. But an actual, honest-to-God crush? Rafael had never even dared hope that Carisi was anything but straight.

“Did the doctors tell you anything?”

Rafael shook himself. “No, I, uh. I haven’t seen anyone since they took, uh, Sonny away.” Rafael could not have said what had made him use Carisi’s nickname in that moment. Or, for that matter, why he hadn’t immediately corrected the Carisis’ assumption about his relationship with their son.

Instead, he chose to dig his own grave. “I filled in what I could of Sonny’s information.” He looked at his watch. “I’m sorry, I really must go. Keep me posted, please?”

“Of course, don’t worry.”

Tessa gave him another hug and a warm kiss on the cheek, and Dom patted him on the shoulder. Rafael gathered his belongings and slipped out with a last smile at both of them. Just outside the door, he remembered that he still had Carisi’s apartment keys and turned back.

“Just in case they free him before I can come back,” Rafael said, handing the keys to Carisi’s father.

* * *

Rafael studiously spent the entire time of the Lyft ride back to his office ignoring his decision — reckless, stupid, unexplainable! — to pretend to be Carisi’s boyfriend. Then he had no time to think about anything, because he was busy negotiating a deal with Rita for her client. For once he emerged victorious from their encounter, deal made on the terms he’d wanted, significantly worse than what Rita had originally proposed.

He put the paperwork in order and decided to go to the 16th Precinct to deliver the good news, and see if all the agitation of earlier had yielded something that needed his presence. There was no news of the Carisis yet anyway.

The premises were significantly less crowded when he entered them again, and only Amanda was visible, which might mean they’d caught their guy. Rafael glanced at the interrogation room as he passed, but it was empty.

He stopped at Rollins’s desk first. “Caught your prey?”

She sighed. “In a manner of speaking. Fin had to shoot him. He’s with IA right now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Rafael said with a frown.

She must have interpreted the look on his face correctly, because she added, “Oh, you’re not out of a job, yet. He’s alive, just at the hospital, heavily sedated. Matthew Vance, the lead engineer at some internet startup. Piece of crap. Anyway, any news of Carisi? Thanks for getting him to leave.”

His phone beeped and he took it out to check it while answering. “Actually I had to take him to the ER, though— Oh, excellent timing.” He opened the text from Dom Carisi and read it. Then he read it a second and third time, still disbelieving. “Well. Apparently it’s chickenpox.”

“Seriously? Shit, it’s bad for adults, and, oh fuck. He spent the evening cuddling with Jesse a couple of nights ago.” She grimaced. “I think I’d better call her ped.” She rummaged in her drawer for her phone while pointing to Liv’s office with her chin. “Liv’s there, if you want.”

Rafael nodded.

He rapped on the door post, flashing a quick smile at Liv when she looked up. “Rollins brought me up to speed with your case from today. I expect to see all your reports on my desk tomorrow.” He strolled in and sprawled into the chair facing her desk.

“Will do. So, I hear you kidnapped one of my detectives today?” She didn’t sound too annoyed, so she probably had realized that Carisi wasn’t likely to have been any help even if he’d stayed.

“Brought him to the ER, actually. He has chickenpox. His father says he won’t come back for at least a week, maybe more.”

Liv sucked in a breath. “That’s nasty in adults. He should take the time he needs. God, it’s not the right moment.”

“Of course it isn’t,” Rafael remarked. “You’ve been understaffed for way too long, Liv. And now it’s coming back to bite you. You should use it as an impetus to actually request one or two detectives more.”

Liv grimaced. “I know, I know.” She shook her head. “No, you’re right, that’s not fair on them. We’re all overworked and tired. It’s just that I don’t like waiting to see what 1PP is going to send me.”

“Last one didn’t turn out so bad, did he?” Rafael asked, deliberately ignoring the Dodds-shaped elephant in the room.

Liv burst out laughing. “Oh my God, do you remember him when he arrived?”

Rafael smirked back. He looked at his watch and stood up. “I need to go. Just so you know, Kauffman accepted a plea deal. Five years and twenty on the registry.”

Liv nodded. “Not bad, and at least Chloe doesn’t need to testify. Thanks.”

He inclined his head in acknowledgment. “Remember to give me your reports about your new case.” He raised a hand in a careless wave and left.

On the way out, he remembered the nurse’s question and asked Rollins, “Do you know if Carisi took anything this morning?”

She nodded. “I gave him a Tylenol. No anti-inflammatory, if that’s your question.”

“The nurse asked, but I’ve no idea why.”

“According to the ped, anti-inflammatory can lead to serious complications.” Rollins looked troubled. “The ped reminded me that Jesse is vaccinated, so it should be all right, but it’s worse in adults.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Rafael said with more confidence than he felt.

* * *

A brief text exchange with Mr Carisi confirmed that they were all still at the hospital, so Rafael, now free of obligations for the day, committed to his role as boyfriend and decided to go back.

He was ushered inside a hospital room inside the Infectious Disease ward. Carisi was lying asleep, an IV in his arm and an oxygen mask on his face. What he could see of the rest of him sported several red pustules.

Mrs Carisi sat at his side, holding her son’s hand and looking considerably more frazzled than earlier. Rafael turned to Mr Carisi, and his face was so grave that for a second Rafael believed the worst.

“He has pneumonia. Varicella pneumonia. Apparently it’s a common complication in adults.”

Rafael frowned. “Serious?”

“All pneumoniae are serious. He’s on antiviral medication, and he is being hydrated and oxygenated, so.” He shrugged. “Not much we can do except help his body fight this on its own.”

His apparent indifference was belied by the anguished look he threw his unresponsive son.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Mr Carisi smiled warmly. “Rafael— Can I call you Rafael?” Rafael nodded. “Call me Dom, please. Rafael, you’re here, and that’s all that matters.”

Rafael recognized the two feelings coursing through him at those words as shame and guilt. “Of course I’m here,” he mumbled.

Mrs Carisi finally noticed his presence. “Oh, Rafael!” She briefly abandoned Carisi’s hand to pull him into another hug. Rafael was more prepared this time around and managed to hug her back. After a moment, she took a step back, still holding Rafael’s shoulders, and told him in a very firm voice, “He’ll be all right.”

Rafael laughed. “Of course he will. He’s too stubborn not to be.”

She smiled affectionately at him and patted his cheek. “Oh, you do know him well. Call me Tessa, will you?” She pushed him into the seat she’d just vacated, over his protests. “We need to go out and eat something. We’ll be back in half an hour. Do you want us to bring you back something, my dear?”

Rafael gave in and sat. “Whatever you want, it’s fine. Thank you, Tessa.” He was starting to understand why Carisi had no problems whatsoever taking orders from a strong woman. He’d probably like Rafael’s mother, too.

She beamed at him, then dragged her husband out. Rafael watched them leave with an amused smile, both at the obvious affection between them and at the tact they displayed, leaving him alone for a few moments with his supposed boyfriend. Speaking of boyfriend…

He turned to Carisi, looking unnaturally still on his pillow. His breath rattled a little into the mask, and his hand was warm. Rafael touched the back of it, then, seemingly of their own accord, his fingers slid down and interlaced with Carisi’s.

Rafael’s breath caught. What was he thinking? Lying to Carisi’s family like that? They were charming and warm and they liked him and they had not once commented on the fact that he was a man older than Carisi by a good ten years. With his free hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing for a glass of scotch and a do-over.

Unfortunately, confessing the truth to the Carisis was likely to get him booted out with prejudice, now. And Rafael didn’t want, couldn’t bear, not knowing what was happening with Carisi. Sonny.

So he embraced his shame and guilt and tightened his fingers around Sonny’s.

* * *

A nurse entered the room, startling Rafael. She smiled at him reassuringly, then went to check on Sonny. She must have been satisfied by what she saw, because she took off the oxygen mask and unhooked the IV, leaving the catheter in place.

“He must have been exhausted, to catch pneumonia so easily,” she commented. “But he’s strong and in good health, so he’ll be on his feet in no time. Just so you know, visiting hours are only until 9, but you can come back tomorrow first thing.”

“Thank you—” He squinted at her nametag. “Shauntelle. I’ll be out of your hair by 9.”

She laughed, a joyous sound that lifted his heart. “Nah, don’t worry. Anyway, if he has trouble breathing, call me.” She pointed at the button hanging over the head of the bed.

* * *

After eating the excellent lasagna Sonny’s parents had brought him back, Rafael relocated to the other side of the bed, relinquishing Sonny’s left hand to his mother again, and claiming his right carefully, so as not to dislodge the catheter. He balanced his legal pad on his knee and the side of the bed and started to take notes with his free hand.

After a moment, he raised his head and noticed that Tessa was watching him with a fond smile. He stilled, only then noticing that he’d been stroking Sonny’s hand with his thumb for the better part of twenty minutes. Tessa’s smile widened.

Rafael blushed and avoided her gaze, grateful when the door opened and Shauntelle walked in again. She stopped when she saw three people inside the room.

“There’s too many of you for a man as sick as he is, but you’re quiet and visiting hours are over soon, so just this once I’m going to allow it. Don’t make me regret it.” She shook a finger at them.

She checked Sonny again and smiled apologetically at Rafael. “You’re going to have to move, dearie. I need to hook him up again.”

Tessa’s face was frozen. The nurse noticed and told her in a cheerful voice, “He’s reacting well to the medication, don’t worry. It’s just time for more.”

Slowly, Tessa relaxed. Dom wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the temple. Rafael smiled wistfully, thinking of the distance and coldness between his own parents.


	2. Days 2-3 - Thursday/Friday

For the next couple of days, Sonny’s parents kept up their vigil, joined by Rafael in the evening. He enjoyed quiet conversations with both of them, getting to know them and squirming in his seat when he had to lie about his relationship with Sonny.

Sonny kept slipping in and out of consciousness, though not when Rafael was there. Tessa assured him that he hadn’t missed much. Sonny had his eyes open, but he was barely coherent, and had gone back to sleep very quickly each time.

Still, his pneumonia was clearing up, and the pustules on his body had dried, so things were looking up. The doctors said they would release him as soon as he was able to remain awake for more than a few minutes at a time, provided he had two weeks’ complete rest afterwards. The Carisis planned to take him back to the family house on Staten Island for the duration.

“That’ll make it so much more inconvenient for you, Rafael, I’m sorry,” Tessa said.

By the time Sonny was awake, there was a chance he would be _persona non grata_ anyway. Instead, he said, “Tessa, it’s quite all right. Staying with you is obviously the best solution. I can take the ferry, it won’t kill me.”

She laughed. “You never know. Staten Island cooties,” she added, wagging her eyebrows.

Rafael laughed with her, thoroughly charmed.


	3. Day 6 - Monday

Three days later, he was greeted at the door to Sonny’s room by Dom, sporting a huge grin that dented his cheeks with the same dimples his son had inherited. “He’s awake!”

Rafael smiled back, dying a little inside.

“I’m going to have a nice walk around. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Dom said with a wink.

Rafael, who had not blushed since the Reagan administration, felt his cheeks warm up. He watched Dom walk away, then looked at the door with a sense of dread.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and stepped in. Sonny was half-sitting in the bed, his face thinner and still marked with red bumps, but awake and looking at Rafael with a rather enigmatic smile.

Rafael closed the door behind him and leaned against it, not sure where to begin.

“Hello, Counselor.” Sonny’s tone was utterly neutral.

“Carisi. Glad to see you’re feeling better.”

“Am I? I seem to be suffering from amnesia.”

Rafael started to frown, then grasped what he meant. Well. Time of reckoning. He opened his mouth, but realized that for the first time in his life, words were failing him. There was absolutely no excuse for what he’d done, not just to Carisi, but to his parents, and potentially the rest of his family.

Sonny’s mouth twisted. “Sit!” He ordered, pointing at the chair by his bed, the very same one in which Rafael had sat holding Sonny’s hand on the previous evenings.

Rafael obeyed, his back ramrod straight, but not quite daring to cross Sonny’s eyes.

“Both my parents seem to be under the impression that you are my boyfriend.”

There was no question but Rafael still answered. “Yes. They assumed, when I first saw them, I’m not sure why, and I didn’t deny it.”

“Mom told me that you were the one who brought me to the ER, and the nurse told them that my partner was there, so when they saw that it didn’t mean Rollins but you, they rather naturally assumed.” Sonny paused and looked at Rafael, who was still avoiding his gaze. “Why didn’t you correct them?”

At last Rafael forced himself to look up into Sonny’s eyes. “There is no excuse for what I did.”

Sonny nodded. “No, there isn’t, and I’m glad you realize that. But I don’t want an excuse anyway. I want an explanation.”

Rafael had carefully avoided thinking about that over the last few days, but there was no hiding his head in the sand anymore. He carefully laid out the cold hard facts and forced himself to examine them, owing Sonny his honesty.

Sonny waited patiently for Rafael to be ready to talk.

It all boiled down to one simple explanation. “I wanted it to be real.”

Sonny gaped at him, then rubbed his hands on his face. “God,” he said, muffled by his hands. He let them fall, looking at Rafael with exasperation. “We’ve been working together for two and a half years, Rafael. If you wanted it to be real, you could have asked me out at any time.”

“I make it a policy not to ask out straight men. And I’m sorry, Sonny, but you’re a nice Italian Catholic boy out of Staten Island. I never read you as gay.”

Rafael massaged his temples to try to stave off the headache he could feel building.

“Bisexual. And you’re joking, right? Everyone in the Tri-State area knew about my crush on you, and you didn’t even notice?”

Sonny was getting worked up, and Rafael eyed him in alarm.

“I thought it was just hero-worship. I’m sorry.”

Sonny sighed.

Rafael stood up. “I’ll tell the truth to your parents and apol—”

“Oh no you won’t.”

“What?”

“You want punishment, Rafael? I’m going to give you punishment.” Sonny leaned over, pointing an accusing finger at Rafael’s chest. “I’m about to be schlepped off to Staten Island for I don’t know how long, but I’m not going to suffer alone. As long as I’m there, you’re going to keep on playing the dutiful boyfriend, and you’re going to come every night and entertain me for a few hours.”

Rafael’s brain short-circuited and he sat back down, heavily. 

“Every day?”

Sonny thought about it. “No, not every day. It’s a bit far if you don’t use a car. All right. Two evenings and the full weekend, for as long as I stay. We’ll ‘break up’ when I go back to Manhattan.”

It was an incredibly generous offer, not telling Sonny’s parents how he’d lied to them. And though Sonny may not have noticed, it also gave Rafael the opportunity to show the best of himself. He could do dutiful boyfriend. He could do more than that.

“You realize, of course, that I’m going to take that as an opportunity to change your mind about ‘breaking up’,” Rafael said, opting at last for honesty.

Sonny smiled, showing his teeth. “Please do your worst.”

* * *

When Dom came back, Sonny had fallen asleep again. He’d nodded off in the middle of offering his opinion about the Vance files, the folder still open on his knees, loose leaves sliding out. Rafael gathered everything and put it in order, slipping it back into his briefcase.

“I need to go home,” he told Dom. “I have court early tomorrow. When are you taking him home?”

“Late morning, you probably won’t be able to make it.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow evening, then, if that’s all right with you.”

Dom smiled warmly at him. “Of course. You’re always welcome. You have our address, right?”

Rafael nodded.


	4. Day 7 - Tuesday

The house was exactly as Rafael had pictured it. He checked the address one last time, then climbed the few steps to the porch.

Before he could knock, the door opened, revealing a woman Rafael didn’t know. Her face was familiar enough, though, that he could guess her identity. She was wearing high spiked heels, but he had the feeling she would be taller than he was even without them.

“Teresa? Or Gina?”

She laughed. “You must be Rafael. I’m Teresa. Come in and distract him, will you? He’s being insufferable.”

Inside, Tessa, in an apron covered with flour, hugged him then waved off his offer to help her.

“You’ll be a lot more useful taking Sonny’s mind off things. He’s been a bear all day, and I don’t need him complaining in my kitchen.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Rafael said wryly.

“You chose him, didn’t you?” she answered in the same tone. “Teresa, darling?”

“I haven’t heard from him in a couple of hours, so actually I think he’s napping,” Teresa confided while guiding Rafael through the house. She knocked on a door as they passed it. “That’s the upstairs bathroom, in case you need it.” She stopped at another door at the end of the corridor. Lowering her voice, she said, “It used to be Sonny’s bedroom, but Mom tore down the posters when he left, so now it’s the guest bedroom.”

“My mother did that, too. I threw a fit at the time, but now I’m grateful.”

“Sporting trophies everywhere?”

Rafael raised his eyebrows. “Sports? Me?” She chuckled appreciatively. “No, I had a giant poster of a half-naked Freddie Mercury. Among other things.” At least Mercury had musical talent. That hadn’t been the case for all the other ‘artists’ whose pictures he’d put up.

Teresa stuffed her hand in her mouth to muffle her laughter. “Really? How surprised were your parents when you came out to them?”

“Not very.” With a last wink at Teresa, he pushed the door open.

Sonny was indeed asleep, lying on his side with his head half off the pillow, his mouth slightly open, not quite snoring. Rafael stepped inside and closed the door on Teresa’s face. As silently as possible, he set down his briefcase and sat on the edge of the bed. The mattress dipped a little under his weight, disturbing Sonny, who blinked.

For a brief moment, there was an unguarded look of happiness on his face that took Rafael’s breath away. Then Sonny realized where he was, and his face closed off. Rafael felt like crying in frustration.

“What time is it?”

“Seven past.”

“Oh.” Sonny struggled to sit up, ignoring the hand that Rafael tried to lend.

Rafael put his arm down again and rose. “I’ve been instructed to distract you. Apparently, you’ve been grumpy.” He struggled to find the right teasing tone, and realized he’d missed by a mile when Sonny’s face fell.

He pushed the sheets away to try to stand. “Oh, I should—”

Rafael put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back to the bed. “You should nothing. If you want to apologize, it can wait until we go down to eat, but for now, we are specifically instructed not to get into your mother’s hair.”

Sonny snorted, but sat back obediently. “All right. So distract me, given that it’s why you’ve come for.”

Rafael let that slide. He pulled the chair he’d ignored earlier and sat on it, his legs extended in front of him, crossed at the ankle. Taking his briefcase, he lay it on Sonny’s bed and opened it, propped against Sonny’s legs. First, he took out a couple of paperbacks he handed to Sonny.

“I wasn’t sure what kind of books you like, so I chose two rather randomly.” They were some of his favorite novels, but no need to tell him that yet. Sonny checked the back covers and put them both on his nightstand.

“Not my usual jam, but I’ll try them, thanks.”

“I do know that you like the academic side of the Law, so I brought a few back issues of the American Criminal Law Review and the New Criminal Law Review. I subscribe to both.”

Sonny accepted the stack of journals, remarking, “So do I, actually, though I haven’t really had time to read, recently.” He paused. “What made you think I would like the, how did you put it, ‘the academic side of the Law’?”

Rafael eyed him. Was it a test? “You were on the board of Fordham Law Review.”

Sonny blushed and looked away.

“I’ve read your articles,” Rafael added unhelpfully. “Your complete indictment of the bail system was a joy to read, even when I didn’t agree with you.” If possible, Sonny reddened even more. “Anyway, I look forward to discussing some of the articles with you. You shouldn’t have troubles finding which articles I’ve already read. I tend to leave notes all over them.”

Sonny smiled at that, embarrassment forgotten. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. You do that to my reports, too.”

“They deserve it.” He reached inside his briefcase again and took out a stack of folders, before putting it on Sonny’s lap. “This one I need to take back with me when I leave. Arraignment for Vance was today, and I thought you might like to help me prepare the case. You barely looked at it yesterday.”

Technical law discussions and case prep were hardly the most romantic of conversations, but they were something that both of them enjoyed immensely, and a way to get back to normality. And Sonny was very helpful in case prep, as he’d proven time and time again. Maybe Rafael should consider telling him.

* * *

Files were spread all over the queen-size bed in which Sonny was sitting. Both men had a legal pad and were writing furiously, exchanging short remarks that would have sounded cryptic to most bystanders. They both jumped when there was a knock at the door.

Without waiting for an answer, Teresa opened the door and asked in a cheerful voice, “Are you decent?”

“He’s still contagious, so yes,” Rafael answered in a dry voice.

Sonny spluttered “Rafael!” in both indignation and laughter.

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future. Mom sent me to tell you that dinner’s nearly ready. Sonny, are you coming down or do you want me to bring you a plate?”

Sonny thought about it. “I can probably go down. Do you think I can keep the pajamas? I’m not sure I’m up to putting clothes on.”

Teresa snorted. “Nice try.” To Rafael, she said, “You know how there are families where people lounge all day in their sleepwear on their days off?” Rafael nodded. “Not our family. You get up in the morning, you get dressed.”

Sonny sighed. “I feel like illness should get you a pass.”

“If I had to put on my Sunday dress when I had a 105 fever when I was ten, you can put on some jeans and a T-shirt now that the pneumonia and chickenpox have mostly cleared up,” Teresa said with absolutely no sympathy whatsoever. “Rafael, I’ll let you help him down. Don’t let him be a stubborn asshole.”

Sonny flipped his sister off as she left. Rafael was barely restraining his laughter.

“Oh yeah, laugh it up, single child.” Sonny sighed. “There are jeans and a henley folded on the right of the topmost drawer of the dresser. Can you hand them over, please? And then look away?”

Rafael obeyed. There was the rustle of fabric as Sonny took off his pajamas and put on the other clothes, then the thud of a file folder hitting the ground followed by a muffled swear. 

“Don’t you dare mess up the files, Carisi!” Rafael repressed the urge to turn.

“It’s okay! All right, I’m ready.”

Rafael turned to the rare sight of Sonny wearing skin tight jeans and a blood red henley that bared his throat and probably complimented his skin tone when he wasn’t covered in red chickenpox blisters. Rafael deliberately swept his eyes up and down Sonny’s form while licking his lips. Sonny’s skin colored to match his shirt.

Having accomplished his objective, Rafael opened the door and waved Sonny through it. The stairs were more delicate to negotiate: Sonny had spent a week on his back and his legs were not quite assured. He gripped the rail until his knuckles turned white and walked down like a toddler discovering stairs for the first time. Rafael gave him his arm as secondary support.

Sonny was looking a little pale when they arrived downstairs and he sat down immediately. Rafael took a seat beside him.

The food was excellent, not that he had expected otherwise, and the conversation was lively, with at least two people speaking all over each other at all times. Rafael, who had grown up a single child in a household where his father gave orders and the rest of them hurried to execute them, was rather bewildered. He mostly joined the conversation when someone asked him a direct question, but wasn’t quite sure how to participate otherwise. Sonny made an effort to draw him in, and once Dom and Tessa saw how he floundered, so did they.

By the time they reached dessert, Sonny was visibly flagging. At least twice, he’d started to doze off only to jerk himself awake. Rafael scrapped the last of the cream off his plate and leaned toward Sonny, speaking low.

“I’m going to clear off your bed, then I’ll come back to help you up.” He didn’t ask Sonny for his opinion, knowing he would insist on staying down, even through his obvious fatigue.

Rafael stood up. “Please excuse me for a moment.”

Tessa gave him a grateful smile. “I know it’s a little late, but do you want a coffee before leaving?”

“Yes, please!”

His enthusiasm drew a chuckle from Sonny. “Do you ever refuse coffee?”

“Not very often. Mostly when it’s instant.” Rafael let his hand drift on the back of Sonny’s neck, relishing the presence of his family to add a little physicality to their relationship. He didn’t miss the shiver that went through Sonny, either.

* * *

When Rafael had helped Sonny up and got him settled again, he went back down with both briefcase and jacket. Tessa handed him a tiny espresso cup that smelled divinely good. He tasted it and barely refrained from moaning.

“Oh, you’re a miracle worker.”

“Sonny did tell me you liked your coffee,” Tessa commented with a laugh. “Are you leaving now? Teresa lives in Brooklyn, she can leave you closer to home if you want.”

Rafael thought about it for a moment, but the offer was tempting. “If it isn’t any trouble. I actually live in Brooklyn Heights.”

“Teresa!” Tessa called out. “Can you drive Rafael to Brooklyn Heights?”

“It’s a little out of the way, but yes, no problem.” She looked at Rafael curiously. “I thought you worked in Manhattan with Sonny.”

“The DA’s office is in Downtown Manhattan, so Brooklyn Heights is cheaper and closer, actually. What time do you want to leave?”

“Right now if you’re ready.” She started to gather bags and clothes.

They made their goodbyes. Rafael was treated in much the same way as Teresa, with warmth and tight hugs.

Once they’d left, Teresa took back the thread of their conversation. “I wouldn’t have thought ‘cheaper’ was a consideration for a lawyer.”

Rafael glanced at her. “You must have me confused with a defense attorney. Or worse, a litigation attorney,” he said primly, getting a snort from her. “I’m a salaried public servant. I’m decently paid, but even with nearly twenty years of experience, it’s nothing like what I would have earned in private practice.”

“An idealist, then.”

Rafael’s first reaction was to scoff in dismissal, but actually… “There are so many more lucrative careers in Law, even in Criminal Law, that we ADAs all are, I suppose. Sex Crimes is probably the worst.”

“People don’t tend to dismiss victims of murder or theft the way they dismiss victims of rape,” Teresa commented matter-of-factly. “So you’re Don Quixote, tilting at the windmills of rape culture.”

“The windmills were harmless.”

She hummed appreciatively.

A pleasant silence settled between them, periodically interrupted by the GPS’s instructions. Rafael looked at her hands. Much like her brother, she barely held the wheel, only using the heel of her palm.

“Who taught you how to drive?” he asked abruptly.

“Dad, and yes, he also holds the wheel that way. So does Bella.”

“Not…” Sonny’s third sister’s name escaped him for a second, but it came back quickly enough. “Gina?”

“Gina hates to drive. When she absolutely has to, she holds the wheel so tight it gets indents.”

Rafael doubted the literality of that statement, but he chuckled obligingly.

Teresa turned onto Rafael’s street, parking illegally just in front of his building. “Here you are. Are you going back to my parents’ soon?”

“This weekend, definitely. Maybe Thursday or Friday evening, too, depending how work goes. Sonny made me promise not to abandon him. Thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime.”

Rafael waved in thanks and goodbye.


	5. Day 9 - Thursday

Olivia very thoughtfully brought him a new case on Thursday just as he was preparing to leave. On the way to the precinct, Rafael sent an apologetic text to Sonny and promised to come on the next day.

In answer, Sonny sent back a series of texts that made Rafael smile.

[Read the Vonnegut  
It’s deeply weird  
Not sure I liked it  
I will have to think about it]

Rafael was not overly surprised by Sonny’s reaction. The book _was_ deeply weird, and Sonny, as a practicing Catholic, would likely find some aspects of it disturbing.

[I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.]

And Rafael did. If Law School had taught Sonny anything, it was how to back up an argument. He pocketed his phone as he entered the precinct and prepared himself for whatever horrors Olivia was about to unleash on him.

Much later, in the Lyft ride home, he unlocked his phone and found an email from Sonny. There was no subject line, an annoying habit of Sonny’s he’d been trying to break for going on three years now. The body only contained a short line :

> Okay, so this is more of a Catholic perspective than a general Christian one, but here you go.

He opened the attached doc. Amusingly, it was formatted like a university essay. Rafael scrolled down to see if Sonny had included a bibliography, and laughed when he found one. The list of books was interesting: Doctors of the Church such as St Augustine and St Thomas Aquinas figured heavily, but there was a number of other philosophical texts, including some pretty obscure ones.

Rafael tabbed back to the messaging app and typed, [Somehow I assumed you’d done pre-law.]

There was no answer, but Rafael had not expected one. It was late enough to be early and Sonny was most likely sleeping. In fact, Rafael was also ready to sleep, too tired to give his full attention to Sonny’s essay. Thankfully he didn’t have court in the morning, only a couple of meetings which he could push back. Rafael sent an email for Carmen to find in the morning.


	6. Day 10 - Friday

In the morning, Rafael printed Sonny’s essay and read it over coffee. It was really heavy on the theology, obviously written by someone who knew what he was talking about, and Rafael sometimes had difficulties following, not being familiar enough with the references. He was ready to bet that Sonny had graduated in either theology or philosophy, or at least had taken more than a few classes in either subject.

While he was nearly through, he received a text, then another.

[Double major in theology and philosophy  
I was still thinking about becoming a priest when I chose my majors]

Rafael blinked.

[A priest?]

The answer was swift. [A Jesuit, hence the philosophy part]

[This is unexpected. What made you change your mind?]

Three dots appeared, then disappeared. Rafael waited.

[Nicholas Hollander. He had an ass to die for]

The answer seemed a little flippant, but it was a pretty intimate question, and they didn’t have the kind of relationship that would warrant confidences. Not yet, anyway.

[Most of the references are over my head, but your essay is interesting. It doesn’t answer the question of whether you liked it, though.]

[I’m still not sure  
It’s excellent, objectively  
But like?]

Rafael was mulling on an answer when the phone rang. Olivia. She needed him to come _immediately_. So much for his lazy morning. Rafael just hoped it didn’t sound the death knell for his evening and weekend plans.

[I have to go. See you tonight.]

* * *

The regular trips to Staten Island were going to be a problem for his budget, Rafael mused as he validated the transfer of yet another sixty dollars to his Lyft driver. Maybe he should try public transportation.

He was a little early, but business had been slow in the afternoon, for all that Olivia had called him early for an emergency. He’d sent Carmen home and then got out before anyone else could arrive.

Sonny was the one to usher him inside. He helped Rafael out of his heavy winter clothes and hung them in the closet, before turning and backing Rafael against a wall.

Sonny was extremely close, his hands on Rafael’s waist, his nose nuzzling the fine strands of hair at his temple, his shoulders blocking Rafael’s view.

“My parents are giving us privacy. Should I greet you properly?”

There was nothing that Rafael wanted more than to kiss Sonny, but not like that. He wanted the genuine article.

He grimaced. “Adding verisimilitude to an otherwise unconvincing narrative? Thanks, but no thanks.” He twisted out of Sonny’s embrace.

“What?” Sonny frowned. “You want it, don’t deny it!” he said, low and urgent.

In the same tone, Rafael said, “Of course I do. But not like that.” Sonny had promised him punishment, and Rafael deserved it, but that? That was torture.

Sonny’s face softened. “I’m sorry. I promise you that when I kiss you, I’ll really mean it.”

Rafael looked at him for a long moment and finally nodded. Sonny inclined his head toward the briefcase Rafael had set down near the door. “You brought work? Want some help?”

Rafael shook his head. “I came here directly from work, but so far I’m free. Buchanan may or may not call me, and I may or may not answer, but that should be all.”

Sonny wrapped an arm around Rafael’s waist and pulled him towards the living room. “Buchanan?”

“Hmmm. He’s defending Vance.”

“Oh, what a surprise.”

They exchanged rueful smiles before being interrupted by Sonny’s parents, who greeted Rafael with their usual warmth. After a few minutes of small talk, Sonny coughed and said, “I still have food to prepare, and I require someone to help me.”

“Someone to boss around, you mean,” Rafael said, taking the hint. He took off his jacket and hung it, then rolled his sleeves up. “If you will excuse me,” he told Sonny’s parents before following Sonny to the kitchen.

* * *

Preparing food with Sonny had been surprisingly enjoyable, bringing back memories of helping his abuelita when he was a boy. He told stories of his childhood to Sonny, and Sonny shared anecdotes in return.

After the meal, the family gathered into the living room. Rafael sat on a sofa, and Sonny lay on the rest of it, his head in Rafael’s lap and his long legs folded over the armrest. Dom was ostensibly watching a history documentary on the TV, but mostly commenting on what they got wrong, while his wife was laughing at him.

Rafael didn’t pay much attention. He was petting Sonny’s head, carding his fingers through the fine hair, for once free of product. The movement was soothing, and Sonny was slowly falling asleep, one hand curled around Rafael’s knee.

Rafael traced the shell of Sonny’s ear and let his other hand fall on Sonny’s chest, over his beating heart. He caught Tessa’s eyes; she was smiling at him knowingly. He probably should have felt embarrassed, being caught touching her son so intimately, but instead he smiled back.

“Rafael,” she said, low enough not to wake up Sonny, “Do you want to stay here tonight? I can find you clothes to sleep in.”

The offer was tempting, Rafael had to admit, if only because he had no wish to embark on the trip home at this hour. But he had refused to kiss Sonny just for appearances’ sake earlier, and sharing a bed would only complicate matters. Supposing Tessa was expecting them to share a bed. Maybe there was another guest bedroom.

“Thanks, but there’s a chance I will need to go to work in the morning, though I plan to come back in the afternoon.”

“As you wish, my dear, but do take some clothes with you tomorrow. I expect you to stay the night, and no excuse.”

“I will, thank you.” Tomorrow he would take some time to discuss the matter with Sonny. He looked at his watch. “I’d better go, actually, if I want to be home at a decent hour.”

“How are you going?”

“Lyft. It’s a little expensive, but I can afford it, and really it’s the most comfortable solution.”

“If you’re planning on going back tomorrow anyway, I’m sure Dom won’t mind lending you the car, you know.”

Rafael very much doubted that, going by Dom’s slightly panicked look at the words. “I actually don’t have a driver’s license. A couple of friends tried to teach me when we were in Boston, and we all agreed that as I was planning to live in New York anyway, I didn’t need to learn.”

She laughed, and Dom let out a long relieved sigh. Tessa elbowed him. “It’s only a car.”

“Darling, a car is never only a car. To a man, it’s an extension of his…” Dom purposely let his voice trail off, obviously enjoying the looks his wife was throwing him. “…ego.”

Tessa punched his shoulder, laughing, making him yelp. Rafael chuckled at their antics, something that would never have happened in his own family. Sonny’s hand tightened on his knee just before he turned his head, dislodging Rafael’s hand which was still buried in his hair. He sat up, sporting the most spectacular bedhead Rafael had ever seen, and blinked slowly, as if the light was hurting his eyes.

“Wha—” The word was interrupted by a yawn. “What is going on?”

Rafael smiled, helplessly. “I’m leaving, love, but I’ll be back tomorrow. You probably should go to bed.”

“Right.” Sonny stood up, wobbling a little. Rafael reached out and caught his elbow, stabilizing him. “Right. Oh! I wanted you to swing by my apartment and bring me back a couple of things, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. Where are your keys?”

Sonny yawned again. “Upstairs in my room. The list of the things I want is there too. Walk me?”

Rafael laughed. “By all means.” He pulled up the Lyft app and booked a driver. The man was twelve minutes away, plenty of time to round up his stuff and say his goodbyes.

Upstairs, Sonny handed Rafael the ring of keys and a folded piece of paper. Rafael opened it and scanned it quickly.

“A suit?”

Sonny shrugged. “There’s Mass on Sunday. I should be well enough to attend, but I like to be properly dressed for it.”

Rafael froze. He hadn’t thought of that. If he stayed over on Saturday evening, he’d probably be expected to attend Mass, something he hadn’t done since he’d left his mother’s house to go to Harvard. Oh, well.

“I’ll go tomorrow morning, but that means I’ll come here later than I originally planned. It makes for quite a detour.”

“I know, sorry.” Sonny looked at him with a pensive look on his face. “Rafael?” He paused. “I really mean it.”

Sonny waited a beat, then took a step closer to Rafael, and another step, until they were almost flush with each other. He dipped his head slowly, his hands settling on Rafael’s hips. Rafael hesitated for a hot second, then tiptoed to meet Sonny halfway, catching his face in his hands.

The kiss was sweet and slow. Neither of them tried to deepen it, content with taking their time. Rafael was quite certain now that there would be more kisses in their future.

After a few long minutes, they were interrupted by Rafael’s phone vibrating to signal his driver’s arrival. “Shit,” Rafael said. “I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right?”

“Go,” Sonny said with a smile.

Rafael nearly ran down the stairs. He gathered his stray clothes and bundled himself up, then grabbed his briefcase and patted himself to make sure he had his keys. He popped back inside the living room.

“I’m sorry, my driver is already here. I must go. Thank you for having me and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tessa stood up and hugged him. “You’re always welcome, my dear. Don’t forget to bring an overnight bag, okay?”

“I will.” Rafael glanced at Dom, who was engrossed in whatever he was watching and completely oblivious to what was happening in the very room he was in. “Say goodbye to Dom for me?” He winked.

Tessa chuckled and pushed him towards the door. “Out! Safe travels, dear!”


	7. Day 11 - Saturday

In retrospect, Rafael should have known, when he decided to use public transportation to relieve his budget, that it was a really stupid idea that wouldn’t stand to reality.

The first leg of his trip went well enough. Going to Sonny’s place was a straightforward ride on the A train, and accomplished in less than an hour.

Alone inside Sonny’s apartment, Rafael took his time. Sonny had not given specific instructions, which meant Rafael had carte blanche to pick out an outfit. He chose his favorite three piece suit, the dark blue one whose flattering cut displayed Sonny’s body to its best advantage, and paired it with a white shirt subtly checkered with dove grey and a beautiful red silk tie that Rafael didn’t remember ever seeing around Sonny’s neck.

Once that was done, the clothes carefully added to his own half-empty bag, he looked back at the list Sonny had provided. He packed the laptop and all its attendant cables. His hand hovered over the pot containing Sonny’s hair product, but he didn’t pick it up.

Before leaving, he slipped a couple of books from Sonny’s shelves inside the computer bag. Sonny’s books fell squarely into three categories: leftovers from his undergrad days, mostly philosophy classics in well-worn paperbacks; law books; and trashy crime novels whose plots bore little resemblance to reality. Well. To each his own.

He closed the door carefully behind him and checked his phone to make sure he knew where he was going. Finding the station again was simply a matter of retracing his steps and easy enough. Things got complicated when he came out of the subway to look for the bus stop. He turned left instead of right, adding two blocks to the initial route, making him miss two buses.

Rafael checked his watch and Citymapper again. He’d built in enough elasticity that he might still make it just before noon, provided nothing else went wrong.

Famous last words.

Traffic was slow and ground to a halt just as the bus engaged on the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge. After ten minutes stuck without moving, there was an announcement on the bus’s loudspeakers, telling them of a car accident ahead of them.

Rafael debated calling Tessa directly, or calling Sonny and giving him the message. His dilemma was solved when his phone rang, displaying the drunk selfie Sonny had added to his phone months ago, when they’d gone to a bar to celebrate a victory in court. If pressed, Rafael would say that he didn’t know how to remove the contact pictures. The truth was that it never failed to make him smile.

“Hey, I don’t know where you are, but avoid the Verrazano,” Sonny said without preamble.

Rafael let his head fall back. “Too late. I’m not sure when I’ll arrive.”

“Ah.” Sonny paused, and Rafael heard voices in the background. “They say on the news that they’re trying to free a lane to let people through, but it’s probably going to be some time. Should I keep some lunch for you?”

The mention of food woke up Rafael’s stomach, and he pressed against it in a vain attempt to silence it. A girl across from him silently laughed and he scowled.

“Yes, I’d appreciate it. Please.”

“No problem, I’ll let Mom know. Do you want me to pick you up at the bus station? It won’t be much quicker than the train, but at least it’ll be more comfortable.”

Rafael hesitated. At last, he said, “No, don’t bother.”

“As you wish. Let me know when you get on the train, so we can have a general sense of your arrival.”

“Will do.”

* * *

By the time he finally boarded the train in Old Town station, Rafael was regretting his decision to refuse Sonny’s offer. He snatched an empty seat and fired a quick text to Sonny, trying to ignore his growing hunger and feeling his lack of caffeination acutely.

The sight of Sonny on the platform of the train station twenty minutes later was a balm to his heart, especially the travel mug he was holding.

Rafael exchanged a bag for the travel mug and nearly burnt his mouth drinking too fast. The coffee was just the way he liked it, very dark and very sweet. Once he’d drained the mug, he took the time to properly greet Sonny.

“I can see where I fall in your priorities,” Sonny said, laughing, once his lips were free.

“You wouldn’t want me to fall asleep in the middle of a kiss, would you?”

Sonny’s eyes darkened. “I promise you that won’t ever happen with me.”

Rafael’s breath caught. Break up at the end of Sonny’s stay on Staten Island, as if. It was becoming clearer and clearer that whatever Sonny’s motivations in engineering this situation, punishment had not been among them. Sonny was invested in their relationship, if not as much as Rafael was. Yet.

“The house is not that far, but I thought you might have had enough, so I took the car.”

Rafael followed him outside the station to a well-loved sedan that looked old enough for Sonny to have learned to drive in it.

* * *

Lunch was all the more delicious for being late and Rafael ate entirely too much of it. He ate in the kitchen, like a family member, while Sonny was preparing… something at the other end of the table. He peeled and chopped a mountain of vegetables, storing them in small salad bowls. Once Rafael had finished eating, Sonny took out a half-dozen onions.

“You may want to get out of the kitchen now.”

Rafael took his chair and sat at the furthest end of the kitchen. “I’m good, thank you.”

“Suit yourself.” Sonny shrugged. He started peeling and cutting. Rafael was far enough not to be bothered, but by the end of the first onion, tears were streaming down Sonny’s cheeks, and he had to do all the cutting by feel, which was slowing him considerably.

“Are you all right?” Rafael called out.

“Oh yeah. It’s just that the tragic fate of the onions upsets me.”

Rafael chuckled. Sonny abandoned the chopped up onions on the cutting board and went to the sink, thoroughly washing his hands. Rafael stood up and stepped closer.

“Can I use the towel for your eyes?”

“Yeah.” Sonny obligingly sat down to let Rafael wipe at his eyes with the towel he’d wet. He tried to open his eyes, but fresh tears welled up, clinging to his eyelashes.

Rafael rinsed the towel and cleaned Sonny’s face again. This time Sonny managed to blink his eyes open without mishap. Before Rafael could step back, Sonny caught him by the waist, spreading his legs and pulling Rafael between them.

Rafael raised his eyebrows. “You’ve captured me. What are you going to do with me, then?”

“Oh, I have a few ideas.”

Sonny’s ideas were similar to Rafael’s, it seemed, and their mouths met. This kiss was heated and a promise of things to come. One of them whimpered when they separated and Rafael couldn’t have sworn it wasn’t him.

“Your parents invited me to stay over tonight.”

“I know,” Sonny answered in the same conspiratorial tone. “You understand that it means you’ll sleep with me, right?”

“I wondered.” Rafael smirked. “I hoped.”

Sonny grinned back, then pushed Rafael gently away. “The food isn’t going to make itself.”

Rafael glanced at the oven clock. “Isn’t it a little early to make dinner?”

Sonny shook his head. He opened a cupboard, and started taking out almost a dozen identical metal cans. “There’s three hours’ cooking time, so actually it’s a little late.”

Rafael, whose talents in the kitchen mostly extended to operating the microwave, looked at him in amazement. “Can I help?”

Sonny laughed. “It won’t make it go any faster, you know. Don’t worry, I’ve got it. I’d love it if you stayed to keep me company, though.”

Rafael nodded. “Let me get my computer.”

He set up on the kitchen table, trying to keep his spreading under control to avoid cross-contaminating with Sonny’s food.

He worked on preparing the Vance case, thinking aloud and arguing with Sonny about strategy. SVU had been so busy and understaffed lately that it had been a long time since they’d worked together that way, and Rafael had forgotten how much he enjoyed it.

“Have you given more thought to joining the DA’s office?” Rafael bit his lips. He’d promised himself he would not pressure Sonny on that matter after he’d refused the job in the Bronx.

There was a moment of silence. Sonny said, “I’ve thought about it.”

He didn’t elaborate, and Rafael didn’t pry.

After a few minutes, Sonny burst out, “The thing is, I’m not sure I would be good at it. And if I’m not, what’s the point?”

Rafael gaped. “Are you joking?”

“No,” Sonny said seriously. “Look, I know I’m not a bad detective—” Rafael mouthed the words back, disbelieving. “— but that doesn’t mean anything about how good I’d be in the courtroom.”

“If I didn’t know you as well as I do, I’d say you were fishing for compliments.” Sonny flushed. “Let’s address your points. First—” Rafael raised his thumb. “— you’re a damn good detective. You’re an excellent interrogator and you can read people, which should translate well in court. Second—” He raised his index finger. “— you care about due process. I don’t have to tell you how many of your colleagues don’t. Third—” He raised his middle finger, ruthlessly ignoring Sonny’s acute embarrassment. “— you’re a workaholic. I know I’ve been very derisive about Fordham Law, and I’m sorry, because it may not be Ivy League, but it’s an excellent school, and let me tell you, I couldn’t have done what you did for three years. Law School kicked my ass, and I wasn’t working a demanding full time job at the time.”

Sonny looked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him up.

“Seriously. Do you really think that I would have recommended you for the Bronx position if I only thought that you were pretty?”

Sonny chuckled weakly. “No, of course not, but…” He flailed. “You’re biased.”

“No no no. I see you quite clearly, and you’re an amazing cop and could be an amazing DA.”

“Okay. I— Okay. Thanks.”

“You’re not displaying much in terms of rhetorical skills right now, though,” Rafael couldn’t resist saying.

Sonny made a face at him, then launched straight into what Rafael recognized after a few seconds as an opening argument for the Vance trial. Though he’d not worked officially on the case, he’d spent enough time dissecting it with Rafael that he had a good knowledge of the details.

Sonny’s speech was impassioned, clear and short enough not to bore the jury. It hit all the beats Rafael had drafted so far, and was all the most impressive for being improvised.

After the conclusion, Rafael laughed softly. “You come work with me whenever you’re ready.”

Sonny smiled lopsidedly. He turned back to the food bubbling softly on the stove.

* * *

Sharing a bed for the first time should have been awkward, but Sonny was still tiring easily, and he was falling asleep on his feet when everyone retired for the night. By the time Rafael finished his evening routine and came back into the bedroom, he was sound asleep.

Sonny was curled in near fetal position, taking up most of the bed. Rafael spent a few seconds trying to figure how best to fit next to him, then simply slid under the sheets. Sonny automatically rolled towards him, burying his face in Rafael’s hair and wrapping a hand around Rafael’s middle.

It was a sensation Rafael could get used to.


	8. Day 12 - Sunday

When Rafael woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was the complete absence of the low-grade headache that tended to plague him most days. The second was the dull ka-thump resonating in his ear at regular intervals. It should have been annoying, but Rafael found it soothing even before he realized it was Sonny’s heart.

Sonny was lying on his back and Rafael was sprawled over him, his head tucked under Sonny’s chin, his hands fisted in the material of Sonny’s sleepwear. Sonny was obviously awake already, because now that Rafael took stock of his surroundings, he also realized that Sonny was petting his hair, which probably accounted for his general sense of well-being, too.

He could definitely get used to this.

Sonny, noticing he had woken up, took his hand off Rafael’s hair. Rafael let out an inarticulate noise of protest.

“I know,” Sonny said with a soft laugh, “but it’s time to get up.”

The idea sounded about as appealing to Rafael as a root canal, but Sonny had other ideas. There was a slight pressure against his forehead — a kiss, his brain supplied — then his world went ass over teakettle. He found himself on his back, Sonny above him, not quite sure how he had ended up in that position.

Sonny kissed him until Rafael was out of breath, quite awake and even less inclined to get out of bed. Then, heedless of Rafael’s grasping hands trying to keep him where he was, Sonny got up.

“You want the bathroom first, or should I go?”

His smirk told Rafael he knew exactly what he was doing to him. Having lost that battle, Rafael sighed and sat up.

“I’ll let you have the bathroom if you put on coffee before you go.”

“Mom has a pot of coffee going already.” He took out the clothes Rafael had brought the day before and laid them on his arm. “Go down to the kitchen, she’ll be happy to hook you up.”

Rafael looked down at himself. “In these clothes? I thought nightwear was forbidden.”

Sonny scanned him with a critical eye. “No, not for breakfast. And you’re perfectly decent. Mom’s seen worse, believe me. Teresa had the most appalling taste in boyfriends when she was in high school. Still has, actually, but at least she doesn’t bring them back here anymore.”

“I liked Teresa, but I don’t feel especially flattered by the comparison.”

Sonny disappeared with a laugh in the direction of the bathroom. Rafael gave up and dragged himself downstairs.

* * *

Dom did not make any comments about the state of his clothes or of his hair, but he did notice that uncaffeinated, Rafael was pretty much useless for conversation.

“Tessa is the same way. A bear before her first coffee of the day.”

“I should ask her for tips, then,” Rafael said, yawning.

Dom laughed, a booming sound that had Rafael wince.

“How to deal with a morning person? Yeah, sorry, Sonny is pretty much like me in that regard.”

“Like what?” Sonny asked, entering the kitchen. He was looking good, in a suit for the first time in days. Rafael noticed with satisfaction that the red tie really suited him, especially as the rash in his face had almost completely faded. His hair, though, still fell on his forehead in soft locks. Rafael had deliberately forgotten to bring back whatever product Sonny usually used on it, and when he saw the result, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

“A morning person.” Dom answered the question Rafael had forgotten about.

“Oh right. Sorry,” Sonny added for Rafael’s benefit.

Rafael toasted him with the mug of coffee.

* * *

Rafael tried to remember when, exactly, he’d last gone to Mass for something other than a wedding or a funeral. It must have been at some point during the previous century, he finally concluded, unable to recall the occasion.

It didn’t matter, because a childhood of Sunday Masses meant that his body still remembered the rituals, when to kneel and when to sit, and even most of the answers. The hymns were only vaguely familiar, because they’d most often attended Mass in Spanish back then.

He made a serious effort to actively listen to the homily. To his surprise, it was rather interesting, expanding on the modern implications of the Sermon on the Mount. The priest was articulate and engaging, and Rafael found himself nodding when he agreed and scowling when he didn’t.

At Communion, Rafael hesitated. He was confirmed, but had not gone to Confession in twenty years, and had definitely committed sins in the eyes of the Church. In the end, he followed suit when the Carisis left their pew.

They lingered after the end of Mass, the Carisis greeting the priest like an old friend.

“Greg and I shared a few classes at St John’s,” Sonny told Rafael before introducing him to Greg — Father Gregory Rizzo — as his boyfriend. To the priest’s credit, he took the information in stride and shook Rafael’s hand with no apparent reluctance.

“I’ve heard about you,” Rizzo said with a laugh. “A lot. Congratulations on finally doing something about Sonny’s crush.”

Sonny reddened and hid his face with his hand.

“So, when you said that everyone in the Tri-State area knew about it, you weren’t lying?” Rafael asked, swallowing his laughter.

“Yeah, yeah, pick on me.” Sonny good-naturedly rolled his eyes.

Rafael felt himself warm up to the priest in the course of the conversation that followed. He was obviously close to Sonny, and a far cry from the priests of Rafael’s childhood, or the few he’d met since, generally in a professional capacity.

Tessa and Dom, who’d drifted away to chat with other friends, came back to fetch them.

“I’m sorry, Greg, but if we don’t want to have lunch in the middle of the afternoon, we need to get back now.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want that. Anyway I need to go too. Have a nice day. Rafael, it was nice meeting you; I hope to see you often in the future.”

* * *

After lunch, Rafael felt the need to walk off the delicious food he’d stuffed himself with, and Sonny offered to show him the neighborhood.

Walking down the streets of peaceful Staten Island, bulked up against the cold, his shoulder brushing every so often against Sonny’s sleeve, Rafael felt content with the world.

He said, still a little surprised by it, “I liked your priest friend.”

Sonny glanced at him. “I’m really not surprised. He’s a crusader, too. He’s already been sanctioned twice by the bishop for making waves. Of course, that was Catalano, so.” He shrugged.

“Wait, wait. What do you mean, ‘too’?” Surely Sonny was not speaking about him. Was he?

“Who took the Metcalf case, even though strictly speaking, the man had done nothing illegal? Immoral and creepy, sure, but still legal.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “I took it at Olivia’s insistence.”

“Yeah, the Lieu put a gun to your temple, I’m sure.”

“I took it because I thought there was a chance it might go through,” Rafael snapped.

“I can’t think of a single judge in New York County that would have let you.” Sonny’s tone, by contrast, was quite calm.

Rafael deflated. “It was a really stupid move.”

“I didn’t want to say so,” Sonny agreed. “But, legally, you didn’t have a leg to stand on.”

Rafael still felt guilty about his part in things, considering. “I wonder, sometimes, if there hadn’t been that clusterfuck of a trial and the dismissal that followed, would the young man still be alive?”

Sonny’s face didn’t move, but his eyes grew haunted. Rafael found his hand and held it. “He didn’t leave a note. But…” He shook his head. “I talked to him, in the hospital. He was feeling pressured, and coming apart.”

“So it didn’t help.” Rafael’s heart sunk.

“I don’t think anything would have helped, short of family therapy, to be honest. Rafael, you barely knew him. It’s not on you.” Sonny stopped and spread his arms. After a moment’s hesitation, Rafael stepped between them, letting himself be hugged. The Carisis gave excellent hugs, he’d been finding out.

After a moment, they separated, resuming their walk. Sonny said, “I met Greg during my first weeks at St John’s. We shared a lot of classes, as we both had the same majors.”

Rafael was grateful for the change of subject. “Overachiever.”

Sonny smiled, a little wistfully. “It made sense at the time. I wanted to become a priest, but specifically I wanted to become a Jesuit, and they want a background in philosophy.”

“They do?” Rafael asked, surprised. “That explains a lot.”

Sonny hummed in agreement. “I had really positive experiences with Jesuit priests as a teen. Anyway, Greg also wanted to become a Jesuit, so that brought us together.”

Rafael mulled over Sonny’s story for a few minutes. “But at some point you changed your mind.” He was careful not to formulate it like a question, not wanting to pressure Sonny into answering.

Sonny glanced at him with a smile. “Greg had, well he has, really, a— an inner fire that was inspiring, but that I couldn’t hope to match. I believe in God, and I believe in the Church, even after everything, and I think change can only come from inside, but…” He raised his hands, the words inadequate to express himself. “He’s on a whole other level. He could go very far,” Sonny added thoughtfully.

“Not that I’m trying to send you back to the Seminary, but the Church can do with ordinary humans, too, especially ones with your qualities.”

“Maybe. But it’s not like these qualities go amiss in the NYPD either.”

True enough. “So that’s why you switched careers.”

Sonny snorted. “That and Hollander’s ass. Which I never had, for the record. He was straight as an arrow, that one. But he made me realize that I was using priesthood as a way to avoid who I really was.”

“So instead of being gay in the Church, you chose to be gay in the NYPD?”

“Bisexual,” Sonny corrected automatically. “But yes, more or less.” He grinned. “I like a challenge.”

“You don’t say,” Rafael said dryly.

They spent the rest of their walk in easy silence.


	9. Day 13 - Monday

After spending the best part of the weekend with him, Rafael felt Sonny’s absence acutely. He tossed and turned all night, and woke up grumpy and more tired than when he’d gone to bed.

He left early, as he wanted to swing by the precinct before going to Court. Olivia gave him the latest news about the Vance case, including the two additional witnesses they’d found.

She also introduced the newest member of the squad. Rafael didn’t have anything against the newly minted Detective Han, and she certainly made a much better first impression than Sonny, and yet he felt disproportionately resentful of her presence. As if she was here to replace Sonny.

His reaction was stupid, and Rafael did his best not to let it show as he shook her hand.

He arrived at the Supreme Court building with minutes to spare, and was immediately waylaid by Buchanan.

“I sent you a proposal for a plea, this weekend,” he started. “You didn’t answer.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow. “I assumed it was a joke.”

Buchanan puffed up in indignation. “You have nothing—” He was interrupted by Rafael shoving two blue envelopes under his nose. “What’s that?”

“The nothing that I have. Let me know if you want to make a new offer.”

An hour later, Rafael was on his way back to his office, having extorted a perfectly satisfactory plea deal from Buchanan. In the line to the coffee shop, he texted Sonny about it. He replied immediately with a series of emoji that baffled Rafael completely.

[Use English!]

[Pictograms were good enough for my ancestors, they’re good enough for me.]

Rafael’s lips twitched into a reluctant smile.

[What ancestors were they? Neanderthals?]

The answer came swiftly. [Homo erectus]

Rafael groaned. [That was awful on so many levels.]

He got a grinning emoji and a bunch of eggplants. Not sure how to interpret that, he ignored it in favor of giving his order to the bored young man behind the counter.

* * *

He greeted Carmen and handed her one of the cups he’d picked up. While he was taking his winter clothes off, they discussed his rearranged schedule until he was satisfied. Just before he stepped into his office, he asked, feeling ridiculous, “You have a teenage sister, right?”

“She left teenagehood a few months ago, but yes. Why?”

“Do eggplant emoji have a special meaning?”

Carmen stared at him, speechless, until he felt self-conscious, then said, “Penis.” Her voice was dry as ice, but her cheeks were dark.

Rafael started to chuckle helplessly, half from embarrassment. It was contagious, and soon they were both wiping tears of laughter.

“Dare I ask?” Carmen said once they had calmed down a little.

“Better not to. God! Thank you, Carmen.” He fled to his office and took out his phone again. He hesitated, then hit the call button.

Sonny answered immediately.

“Do you have too much time on your hands?”

Sonny chuckled. “I’ve been begging the Lieu to let me go back to desk duty, but no dice.”

Rafael was horrified and privately sent a prayer of thanks for Olivia’s good sense.

“You still take a nap in the afternoon and go to bed early. Do you really think you can handle the job?”

Sonny sobered up. “No, not really. But I’m bored and I feel useless. And Amanda told me there was a new Detective and what if— No, this is stupid.”

“Self-pity doesn’t become you, Sonny,” Rafael said severely, conveniently forgetting his own irrational hostility towards Detective Han. “Didn’t we have a conversation about your qualities as a detective this weekend already?”

“Yes, I know. But why now?”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Because with you gone, there’s only Fin and Rollins left and that’s not enough. I’ve been talking to Olivia about it since Dodds died, but it was only with you out of commission that she realized she needed to actually do something about it. So thank you.”

“Are you joking? I should be the one thanking you. You should see how much OT we logged last month.”

There was a moment of silence. Rafael tucked the phone between his ear and his shoulder and started filing away the Vance files, now that the man had accepted a deal.

“Are you coming tonight?” Sonny was hesitant.

“Can’t,” Rafael replied, letting his regret infuse his voice. “I finally have a date for Ken Richards’ trial, and it’s been so long, I don’t really remember the case. I can’t afford the time spent traveling to and from Staten Island. Not today, not tomorrow. I’ll aim for Wednesday, all right?”

Sonny sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

Rafael hesitated, then decided to take the plunge. If he wanted to convince Sonny of the sincerity of his feelings, he needed to acknowledge them aloud to the man. “I miss you. Have a good afternoon, Sonny.”

He immediately hung up the call, too much of a coward to wait for Sonny’s reaction. It didn’t take long anyway, a new text appearing on his phone a few seconds later. This one only consisted of a yellow kissing face, a tiny red heart escaping from its lips.

Rafael didn’t need Carmen to interpret that one.


	10. Day 15 - Wednesday

Rafael fell asleep in the Lyft driving him to Staten Island, only opening his eyes again in front of the Carisi house when the driver raised his voice. He managed to be a little more lively during dinner, making conversation with Dom and Tessa, but the minute he sat beside Sonny on the sofa after dinner, he felt himself drift off again.

He shook himself awake, interjected a word or two, then closed his eyes for just a second and woke up who knew how long after, his face pressed in the crook of Sonny’s neck.

Rafael stammered an apology, then realized Sonny was talking to him.

“What?” He frowned.

“I asked what your schedule was for tomorrow. Court? Appointments?”

Rafael was unable to remember and patted his pockets for his phone. The calendar app showed a morning blissfully free of any obligations and he showed it to Sonny.

“Great. Do you want to sleep here and go back home early tomorrow?”

Rafael thought about it. He would have to leave early to beat the morning traffic, but it also meant he would spend a night in Sonny’s arms and that had worked rather well last time.

“I slept well with you the other night,” he said.

He was rewarded with a kiss, not much more than a peck given that they were in full view of Sonny’s parents.

Rafael stood up, a little wobbly, and started to apologize. Tessa cut him off with an admonition to get himself to bed and take better care of himself. She managed not to make too much of a fuss, though, and Rafael was grateful for that, at least.

Of course, he should have realized that it only meant that making a fuss was now Sonny’s responsibility. Sonny all but tucked him in his bed. He was asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow and didn’t even wake up when Sonny joined him later.


	11. Day 16 - Thursday

Rafael was woken up when his very warm pillow shifted out from under his body. He groaned in protest.

“Shh. Go back to sleep.” There was soft pressure on the corner of his mouth, then a weight lifted from the bed.

By the time the door opened and closed, Rafael was asleep again.

* * *

The second time, it was the smell of coffee that roused him. Rafael turned and looked at the hand Sonny was holding towards him, then at the mug Sonny had in his other hand. He blinked a couple of times.

“Come on, Rafael, up.”

Rafael was not at the peak of his intellectual capacity, but he got the distinct impression that Sonny was laughing at him. There was nothing as obvious as a smile on his face, still Rafael could hear it in his voice.

Out of pure spite, he sat up unaided, then reached out to grab the mug. Sonny held it out of reach until Rafael distracted him with a kiss. He rescued the cup before it could end up on the sheets and drained it.

Sugar and caffeine hit his body at the same time and he instantly felt better and more awake. He glanced at the window and the darkness outside.

“What time is it?”

Sonny settled comfortably on the bed, sipping from his own mug. “Six. I’ve ordered you a Lyft for six thirty. That should leave you enough time to shower and change at home and be at the office on time.”

“Six? My God.” Rafael was aghast.

“I tried to get your input yesterday, but you were already asleep, so I erred on the side of safety.”

Rafael rubbed his face. “I’m going to arrive earlier than Carmen. I don’t think it’s ever happened.”

Sonny laughed and kissed him, his hands framing Rafael’s face. Rafael responded instantly, shuffling on his knees to get closer. Sonny pushed him away with a happy smile.

“We definitely don’t have time for that.”

He sounded suitably breathless and disappointed, so Rafael magnanimously decided to let it go.

Sonny stood up, to avoid temptation, Rafael hoped. “Want some breakfast? Toast, cereal?”

“Toast, please. Two slices, if possible.”

“Sure. Butter and Mom’s strawberry jam?”

“Will you cut the crusts for me, too?”

Sonny laughed and patted him on the shoulder before leaving the room. Rafael quickly dressed up. Thankfully, Sonny had hung his clothes carefully the day before, because he certainly hadn’t been in any state to think about it. He rolled the tie and slipped it into his briefcase.

Downstairs, Sonny was in the kitchen. There was a plate ready on the table, two slices perfectly buttered and jammed, the crusts carefully cut out. Rafael shook his head in fond exasperation.

He put a hand on Sonny’s shoulder and used it as leverage to stretch and kiss Sonny under his ear. As he was stepping away, Sonny turned and captured him for a longer kiss.

“Good morning, boys.”

They sprang apart at the sound of Dom’s voice. Sonny looked like a teenager caught _in flagrante delicto_ , and Rafael was sure his face sported a similar expression, especially when Dom burst out laughing.

His cheeks flaming, Rafael stepped away and settled against the counter with his plate. The jam was delicious.

Sonny’s phone pinged. He unlocked it, leaving a jam trail on the screen. He swore softly, then threw a glance at his father, who was doing a good job of pretending he hadn’t heard anything.

“Your Lyft is incoming,” he told Rafael.

Rafael hurried to swallow the last of his toast.

“Dom, have a good day. Please give my best to Tessa. Sonny…”

Sonny was pouring some more coffee into a tumbler. “Go put on your coat, I’m coming.”

In the entrance, once Rafael was bundled up in his coat and scarf, he traded a kiss for the tumbler.

“Have fun. If you see Olivia, tell her I’m in perfect health.”

Rafael snorted and refused to commit to anything. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

They parted with a last kiss, and Rafael hurried to the waiting car.


	12. Day 17 - Friday

His day had been punctuated by texts from Sonny, mostly complaining of boredom. Apparently, after Rafael had refused to talk to Olivia on his behalf, he’d also pestered her about coming back after the weekend, if only on desk duty.

Then later in the afternoon, he’d received a photo documentary of Sonny baking what seemed to be hundreds of amaretti cookies. The last picture had been a selfie of Sonny, his mouth open and his tongue half out, a cookie in the hand that wasn’t holding the phone. Rafael hoped he could taste the cookies later, and he wouldn’t be averse to tasting them on Sonny’s tongue.

Rafael rang the bell. Sonny opened the door and slipped outside, closing the door behind him. He was wearing fairly warm clothes, but no coat, and Rafael exclaimed, “Are you crazy! It’s barely thirty out! You just had pneumonia!”

Sonny only laughed. “It’s all right.”

Rafael rolled his eyes as he started to unbutton his coat. Before he could take it off, Sonny stepped up to him and plastered himself to his front, sliding his arms under the coat and around Rafael’s waist. Rafael wrapped his arms around Sonny’s back and raised on tiptoes to reach his mouth.

When he pulled away, Sonny was both flushed and breathless. The curtain to the porch window twitched.

“We’re in full view of one of your parents, I think.”

Sonny plucked a small kiss from Rafael’s lips. “Sister. My parents have more discretion than that.”

Rafael slid his hand from Sonny’s waist to his ass and squeezed. Sonny bucked against him, making it clear to Rafael that the situation was getting to him.

The tips of Sonny’s nose and ears were turning red, and not from embarrassment at being spied on by his sister. Reluctantly, Rafael pushed him away.

“Let’s go inside, I’m freezing.”

Sonny laughed again, a joyful, carefree sound that Rafael hadn’t heard often enough. Inside, he helped Rafael out of his coat and stole another kiss in the process. Rafael let himself be robbed happily.

A woman Rafael didn’t know was looking at them with a smirk. Like her brother’s, her hair was liberally laced with gray. She’d made no effort to cover it, and the effect was striking.

“Gina, I suppose.” He extended a hand.

She smiled. “Good guess. Nice to finally meet you, Rafael.”

“Gina has an announcement,” Sonny said with a huge grin and a lot of eyebrow-waggling.

If Rafael got the stories straight, Gina was the sister who’d been engaged several times. The exact number escaped him. He shook his head in disapproval at Sonny’s teasing glee.

“Ignore him,” he told Gina. “He has no sense of decorum.”

Sonny’s expression was replaced by indignation. “Mooom,” he protested, turning to the side, “Rafael is being mean to me!”

Rafael turned to see Tessa, her lips twitching in repressed laughter. She patted Sonny on the cheek condescendingly and told him, “I’m sure you deserved it, darling.” In a much warmer tone, she said, “Rafael! What a pleasure to see you!”

Rafael buried his laugh in her shoulder as she hugged him. He was starting to get the hang of this family, and also a better understanding of what made Sonny Sonny, the happy, warm, kind man that had captivated him for so long now.

Dom appeared at the door of the kitchen. He smiled with real pleasure at Rafael and greeted him. “Do you want something hot to drink? Coffee, hot chocolate?”

Sonny poked him in the ribs and said, “Pick the hot chocolate, you won’t regret it.”

Rafael raised his eyebrows at Sonny. Turning to Dom, he said, “I’ll try the hot chocolate, please. Especially if there are some of those amaretti cookies left.”

Dom saluted in acknowledgment and went back to the kitchen.

“Oh, Sonny made enough for a regiment,” Tessa said with an affectionate look at her son. “Come on, everyone. Rafael, do you want to take off your jacket, too?”

They all gathered in the living room, sitting on the different sofas. Sonny sat next to Rafael. He bent down to remove his shoes, then sat back against the armrest and tucked his sock-clad toes under Rafael’s thigh. Rafael gave him a warning look that utterly failed his purpose. In retaliation, he slid a hand around Sonny’s right ankle, his thumb finding the naked skin above the sock.

The silence between them was a little awkward, until Dom came back with an antique-looking silver platter holding five cups and a fuming pitcher. There was also a plate piled high with tiny cookies. He served, handing Rafael the first cup, forcing him to relinquish Sonny’s leg. The chocolate was creamy and thick and very obviously not made from instant cocoa powder. He brought the cup close to his face, inhaling the rich scent of chocolate. Sonny put a hand on his arm.

“Be careful, it’s really hot. We’ve all burned our tongue or palate at some point.”

Rafael nodded with a smile and decided to wait a little while nibbling on the cookie. It was delicious.

When everyone had a cup in hand, Dom sat back in his seat and said, “Gina?” He looked at her expectantly.

Gina took a deep breath, then said, all in a rush. “I’m pregnant, and I’m not marrying the father.”

Her father’s only reaction was to blink, and Rafael suddenly wondered how this man, who’d always been so warm and kind to Rafael, would react to news he didn’t want to hear. He stiffened. Sonny put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“That’s not what I expected, to be honest.” He sounded more puzzled than angry, but Gina cringed anyway. “Can we know the… circumstances?”

Gina sat up, her back ramrod straight. “The pregnancy is an accident, and when I told the father, he, uh, told me he wasn’t ‘interested in brats at this point in his life’. That’s a direct quote, by the way.”

Sonny’s eyebrows shot up. He handed his cup to Rafael and went to sit with Gina, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

She smiled at him and continued. “I had already started to think that we, uh, weren’t well suited, but that was the last straw. So I kicked him out. And I thought hard and long about the baby, and I’m sorry, Dad, but I’m 39, and if I want a child — and I do — I can’t afford to wait much longer.”

“Oh, darling,” Tessa said, sitting on Gina’s other side, “We love you, you know that?” She hugged her daughter tight. “No matter what.”

Dom went to Gina, too, displacing Sonny who went back to Rafael. Dom wrapped his long arms around both his wife and daughter and hugged them without a word. Rafael observed them with a wistful smile. He wondered if that was how the Carisis had handled Sonny’s coming out, with a reassurance of love and tight hugs.

Sonny plucked his cup from Rafael’s hand and wiggled back to his initial position, toes warmed up under Rafael’s thigh.

“Well.” Dom’s voice broke the spell. “Can’t say that I wouldn’t rather you were married, but that kind of man wouldn’t have suited you anyway. Do you need me to have a word with him?”

“Dad!” Sonny protested laughingly. “You can’t say things like that in front of a cop! Though…” his voice trailed off as he lost himself in thought. Abruptly, he said, “I don’t suppose you made him sign away his parental rights, did you?”

Gina looked at him as if he had two heads. Rafael, who’d met the worst humanity had to offer when there were children involved, grasped his point immediately.

“Weren’t you listening? He doesn’t want kids.”

“For now,” Rafael said. “That could change. And even if you don’t put his name on the birth certificate, a DNA test and you’re back to square one.”

“I’ll write a waiver and I’ll make him sign, all right?” Sonny added.

“You really think that’s necessary?” Tessa asked, watching them both.

They said “Yes!” in unison. “Better have it done now,” Rafael continued.

Gina nodded slowly. “All right, I believe you. Thanks, Sonny, I’ll take you up on that.”

“Sure thing. I don’t have anything better to do with my time, anyway. Putting aside the doom and gloom, when can I expect to become an uncle again?”

“Listen to him,” Rafael murmured, loud enough for everyone to hear. “You’d think it was all his accomplishment.”

Sonny laughed and toasted him with the mug.

“I can see you’re fitting in quite well, Rafael,” Gina said. “And in about seven months.”

Sonny’s face twisted. “Urgh, August pregnancy. You’re going to be mis—” A large hand on his mouth prevented him from continuing.

“What Sonny means, of course, is congratulations, Gina.”

She was laughing, and both her parents were hiding smiles. “Thank you, Rafael. And Sonny,” she finally managed graciously.

* * *

It was not their first time sharing a bed, but somehow Gina’s announcement had added a weight to their previous intimacy. Rafael felt closer to Sonny than before. They both went through their evening routine then found themselves in the room, face to face with the bed in between.

“I love you,” Sonny said suddenly. “I thought you should know.” He tried to shove his hands in his pockets, but his pajama bottoms didn’t have any, and in the least smooth move in the history of the world, hid them instead behind his back. Rafael’s smile grew. “I— Actually I’ve been in love with you for—” He shook his hand vaguely, hinting at a very long period.

Rafael marveled at his own obliviousness. “I only acknowledged it recently, but you’ve been a constant presence in my thoughts for a long time now.”

Sonny lit up. He climbed the bed and crossed it, sinking to his knees in front of Rafael, the position putting him exactly at Rafael’s level. They reached for each other in a passionate kiss that grew even more heated once their hands found each other’s skin.

Rafael helped Sonny out of his tee, then pushed him back on the bed and climbed after him. Under his slim-fit suits, Sonny hid a wiry body, stronger than it appeared at first glance. There were still traces of his bout of chickenpox, but the rash had mostly faded.

Rafael wanted to explore every inch of him with fingers and tongue, to tease him until he was begging for release, to open him up and fuck him and love him and God! he was an idiot.

“I don’t suppose you have a condom, do you?”

“Here? No.” Sonny laughed. “You don’t? Didn’t think you’d get lucky?”

“Didn’t dare hope, rather,” Rafael grumbled.

Sonny’s smile turned tender, then slightly embarrassed. “Gina is on the other side of the wall, anyway.”

Rafael pushed himself up to look in Sonny’s eyes, then collapsed in a fit of giggles. “I feel as if I’m fifteen again.”

Sonny hid his face behind his hands, but not well enough to disguise his grin, or his shaking shoulders. “We make a pair.” After he’d mostly got his breath back under control, he continued, “Sorry for killing the mood.”

Rafael heaved himself away and rolled against Sonny, their bodies touching all along their side. “Hmmm. Come back with me on Sunday. Spend the night at mine.”

“You make a compelling argument.”

They remained in that position for a few minutes, their excitement cooling off. Rafael shivered and scrambled under the covers. There was a few seconds of uncertainty as Sonny followed suit and they tried to arrange themselves. Finally, they ended up with Sonny playing big spoon to Rafael’s little spoon, their fingers laced together over Rafael’s belly.

“Hey!” Sonny said in his brightest tone. “If I stay with you Sunday night, I can go to the precinct in the morning. Maybe if the Lieu sees me in person, she’ll stop believing I’m at death’s door.”

Rafael groaned in dismay. “You’re like a dog with a bone, honestly.”

Sonny poked him. “I notice that you haven’t talked me up to Olivia like a good, loyal boyfriend should.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “I’m being a good boyfriend—” He paused, thrilled to be able to finally say the words truthfully. As if he’d guessed what Rafael was thinking, Sonny squeezed his hand and kissed him behind the ear. “I’m being a good boyfriend by caring about your health,” Rafael said firmly. With more vulnerability, he added, “And I wasn’t sure you wanted Olivia to know I was in pretty much constant communication with you during your time off.”

Sonny cleared his throat. “I was thinking of filling some disclosure forms on Monday, actually.”

Rafael turned to face Sonny, even though the light was off and he couldn’t see much of him in the dark. He cupped his hand around Sonny’s cheek. “You’re sure?”

“We’ve both been pining in our respective corner for far too long, and I don’t want to waste anymore time.” His lips stretched into a smile, revealing a dimple under the pads of Rafael’s fingers.


	13. Day 18 - Saturday

After lunch, Rafael settled in the kitchen to work while Sonny was once again cooking. What looked like a hundred ramekins were spread over every available inch of the table, and Sonny was at the stove, looking after an enormous pot of cream.

Family Law wasn’t his specialty, so Rafael googled a few prewritten parental rights waivers. With Sonny’s help, whose knowledge of Family Law was a little fresher, he amended one until they were both satisfied with the result.

Once they had gotten Gina’s stamp of approval, Rafael said, “I should print it. Do you have a printer I can use?”

“Are you on the Wi-Fi network? There’s a printer on it.”

Rafael looked at Gina balefully. She laughed and sat beside him, angling the laptop toward her. She did her magic on the computer, then pushed it back toward Rafael and stood up.

“The printer is in the office. That’s the door across from your bedroom upstairs. It’s called George.” She bent to kiss Rafael on the cheek. “Thank you.” She left the kitchen, waving as she did so.

“You’re welcome!” Rafael called after her. He waited until she was out of hearing, then asked Sonny, “George?”

“Clooney, I think,” Sonny answered not at all helpfully.

Rafael rolled his eyes, though the move was lost on Sonny, who had his back to him. “Not what I meant.”

“Oh? Oh! Yes, sorry.” He laughed. “Gina names devices. She says it makes it easier to identify them on a network. She even does it by theme, which is why all my devices are named after pop gay icons.”

Rafael chuckled. “Really?”

Sonny hummed. “You should have seen Amanda when she found out that my tablet is called ‘Cher’. I’m not sure how she still thought I was straight after that.”

Rafael moved his hand in a sweeping gesture encompassing the whole of Sonny. “It’s the Staten Island Catholic sheen.”

Sonny snorted as he brought the vat of hot cream to the table and started portioning it into the ramekins.

Rafael opened the print menu, and indeed there was a George in the list of available printers. He sent the waiver to it, then after thinking about it a little longer, opened a couple of other files he had saved and sent them too.

* * *

When he came back down with the printed papers, Sonny had set the ramekins on platters, ready to be slipped into a fridge as soon as they cooled down, and he was doing the washing up.

“I printed two copies of the waiver. If I were you, I’d try to get it notarized.”

Sonny nodded. “That won’t be a pain and a half, to get an appointment, but yeah, makes sense.”

“I also…” Rafael pushed the small stack of disclosure forms toward Sonny. He shook his hands out and dried them before taking a look.

“Oh you remembered about it! Let me grab a pen.”

Rafael stopped him with a hand on his wrist. “You’re sure this is a step you want to take?”

Sonny’s smile turned tender and intimate. He freed his arm and wrapped it around Rafael’s waist, reeling him in for a kiss.

“This is a step I’ve been wanting to take for a long time.”

He sat down and pulled Rafael on the chair next to him. They filled the forms together, leaning into each other.


	14. Day 19 - Sunday

The white cold light of winter was streaming through the windows when Rafael woke up. Once again, the bed was empty. Rafael looked at the bedside table; the alarm clock displayed 7:34. He groaned when he realized how early it was, and on a Sunday, too.

Rafael thought about going back to sleep, but with no Sonny there, it wasn’t the same.

He padded down to the kitchen, barefoot and still rumpled from sleep. As expected, Sonny was there, already busy. He’d obviously showered and changed into his suit, though the jacket was hanging on a chair, and the shirt sleeves were rolled above his elbows. He’d tied an apron over the rest, a white, professional-looking one that sported several colored streaks where Sonny had wiped his fingers.

He was currently tying little packages of meat and cheese with twine, dexterously weaving the thread and tying it off. There were already two dozens made and enough material for quite a few more.

Rafael made a bee-line for the coffee machine, planting a kiss on Sonny on the way there.

“Just how many people are you expecting for lunch?”

“Oh, lots. All my sisters, and Tommy and Lucy—”

“Lucy?” Rafael interrupted.

“Bella and Tommy’s daughter. She’s pretty as a button, you’ll see.” He looked up from his task, offering a delighted smile to Rafael.

“My mother’s called Lucy. Well, Lucía,” Rafael offered.

“Lux, the light.” They exchanged a smile. “She’s a ray of sunshine, that kid. Is that true for your mother?”

Rafael snorted. “Really not. But she’s been a beacon for dozens of kids over the years. She’s the principal of a charter school,” he added.

“A woman of character. Of course,” Sonny commented.

Rafael acknowledged the compliment with a nod. He watched as Sonny alternately stuffed the cheese inside the meat and tied it close.

“That still seems a lot for nine people. Well, eight and a half,” Rafael amended.

“Oh right, I never finished my list, did I?” Sonny shot him a smile. “My grandmother — paternal — is coming for certain, and possibly a few cousins too. I also wanted to invite Greg, and hopefully there’ll be some leftovers.”

“Dear God,” Rafael eventually said.

Sonny laughed. “It’s not even a lot, actually. My dad has seven siblings. Last time we were all together, for my Nonna’s 90th birthday, there were more than a hundred and fifty people, and that’s only on my father’s side.”

“Dear God,” Rafael repeated faintly.

“You’re an only child, am I right?” Without waiting for Rafael’s answer, he continued, “It’s probably overwhelming when you’re not used to it. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” He winked.

Rafael rolled his eyes and poured himself a new cup. Coffee pot in hand, he asked, “Top up?”

Sonny peered inside his own cup. “Please.”

“Are you going to Mass or are you going to cook all morning?”

Sonny shook his head. “I’m going to start everything and go to the 9 a.m. Mass while my dad makes sure nothing catches on fire, then they’ll go to the 11 a.m. Mass with Gina, and everybody will be back around one for lunch.”

Rafael hesitated. “I could go with you now and keep you company while everyone is away.”

Sonny’s answering smile was very tender. “You don’t even have to go to Mass, you know. I’m aware you’re lapsed.”

“It’s—” Rafael hesitated, picking at his feelings to try to understand them. “It’s a part of you. It’s a big part of who you are, and I like sharing it with you.”

“You say things like that, and I wanna take you back upstairs.”

Rafael set his cup of coffee on the counter and caught Sonny by the shoulders, bending over the top of his chair to capture his lips in a long, heated kiss.

After a moment, Rafael moved a couple of inches away, his forehead against Sonny’s, content to breathe in the same air and calm his galloping heart.

“I’m going to get ready, and then I’m going to go with you to the early Mass.”

It still took him another long minute to detach himself and take a step back.

* * *

The sign at the entrance of the Church indicated that the 9 a.m. Mass would be celebrated by Father Rizzo, while the two later ones would be celebrated by priests Rafael hadn’t met yet.

“And now your purpose in choosing the early Mass is clear,” Rafael teased.

Sonny laughed. “I won’t deny it played a role in my decision. I’m less fond of the other priests.”

They chose a pew close to the altar, and Rafael saw more than one person do a double take at their linked hands. There were a few mutterings in their wake, but thankfully nobody was quite rude enough to confront them about it.

Sonny was outwardly oblivious, introducing him to a dozen people as “My boyfriend, Rafael”. He met a couple of Sonny’s teachers from high school, one member of his old chess club, and various neighbors, for a definition of neighbor that stretched to “living within a five block radius”.

Rafael gave up on remembering names after the third person, simply shaking hands and muttering polite platitudes.

* * *

After Mass, they were greeted warmly by Father Rizzo. Sonny lost no time in inviting him for lunch and was delighted when Greg accepted.

“Are you joking? Of course I’ll be there if you’re cooking. Do you know how many pounds I lost when we stopped sharing a place?”

Sonny chuckled. “I did offer to teach you several times.”

“That’s not the point,” Rafael interjected. “Greg wanted you to cook for him, not learn how to do it himself.”

They exchanged a knowing look while Sonny huffed in amusement.

* * *

Rafael followed Sonny to the kitchen, where the rest of the family was having their breakfast. Sonny shooed everyone out to the living room and charged Rafael with clearing the table while he took out everything he would need and wrapped himself into an apron, a clean one, Rafael noticed.

It was not the first time recently Rafael had watched him cook, but he still looked on in wonder as Sonny put a saucepan of milk on the stove and threw ingredients in another larger saucepan without measuring them.

“Is there something you’re not good at?” he asked a little plaintively.

Sonny laughed. “Oh, anything that implies I need to move my body. Dancing, sports… I nearly bombed my physical for the Academy, actually. I can sprint after a suspect, and I’ve got long legs, so I generally catch them quickly, but don’t ask me to do anything more. Can you pass me the whisk, please?”

Rafael handed it to him and Sonny started whipping the ingredients vigorously, scraping the batter from the sides of the pan every now and then. He then had him pour the hot milk into the mixture in a very thin stream while he whisked it vigorously. When all the milk was gone, he lowered the heat on the stove and placed the full pan on it.

“Do you know how to roll dough?”

Rafael shrugged and said cheerfully. “Never done it before, but I’m willing to learn.” He started rolling his sleeves up.

“There’s clean aprons behind the door.” He waited until Rafael had found them and wrapped one around himself, tying the knot behind his back. “The rolling pin is in that cupboard. There’s a silicone mat around, take them both. Second shelf,” he added when Rafael hesitated.

“It doesn’t have any handles,” Rafael remarked, when he finally found the pin, a solid cylinder of wood that looked as if it wouldn’t be out of place in an autopsy report.

“No. Easier to handle, actually. The dough’s in the fridge. Get only the two big disks for now.”

There were four roughly disk-shaped yellow masses covered in cling film. Rafael took the biggest ones and left the others in, before going to clean his hands thoroughly.

“Okay, so you spread the mat on the table, dust it with flour, then put the dough on it.”

Rafael remembered the process from afternoons spent baking with his abuelita, standing on a chair with his abuelita behind him, guiding his hands on the pin. Hers had handles, the painted flowers decorating them faded with age, but it hadn’t been much different.

“Dust some more flour above it and start spreading it into every direction, until you get a rough circle that covers halfway between the 12 and the 15 inch mark on the mat.”

Sonny’s instructions were clear, but putting them into practice was harder. His first try was a failure, too thin on one side and too thick on the other. The second clung in patches to the pin and had to be abandoned. The third was deemed acceptable by Sonny, who showed him how to place it into one of the dishes he’d just greased.

Rafael pricked holes in the bottom with a fork, then placed it back in the fridge to let it cool. He repeated the process with the second disk of dough, then, following Sonny’s instructions, filled a large salad bowl with ice cubes. He placed a smaller glass bowl in the ice and Sonny poured the thickened custard in it.

There was no time to rest as Sonny set him to prepare the antipasti.

* * *

Rafael didn’t keep track of the time, busy assisting Sonny in the kitchen, and the sound of doors and voices startled him. He glanced at the clock, and was surprised to realize it was well after noon.

“God, did Sonny have you work for your meal?” Gina said, entering the kitchen, her face red from the cold. “He’s a slave driver.”

“He volunteered,” Sonny protested.

“I had fun,” Rafael added. It wasn’t even a lie.

Gina cleaned up her hands, then stole one of the antipasti, making a hole in the plates Rafael had carefully laid out. He narrowed his eyes at her, but much like her brother, she seemed to be immune to his glares.

“Dad and Greg are adding the table leaves. I’ll set the table, if that’s all right with you.”

Sonny waved her off. He gave a last toss to the sauce and the meat cooking inside it and lowered the heat again. He took off his apron and Rafael’s, hanging both on the hinge of the kitchen door, then wrapped his arms around Rafael and gave him a long, drawn-out kiss, utterly oblivious to the ballet of people going in and out of the kitchen.

A whistle finally interrupted them. Teresa was leaning against the doorjamb, an amused smile on her lips.

“Stop molesting your boyfriend and come introduce him to everyone.”

Sonny ignored her and whispered, “Ready?”

Rafael widened his eyes. “Here goes nothing.”

* * *

Lunch was a success. He’d actually already met most people, to the notable exception of Sonny’s nonna, a wizened woman who barely reached up to Sonny’s chest, but whose mind was still perfectly sharp.

She cornered Rafael and interrogated him about every single aspect of his life and his family. When she finally turned her attention elsewhere, Rafael turned to Sonny, relieved.

“Did I pass?” he whispered.

Sonny refrained from laughing out loud, but his eyes were dancing when he answered.

“Oh, you’d know if you hadn’t.”

The food was delicious. He’d had food made by Sonny before, though not a full meal, but he hadn’t realized the breadth of his capabilities in the kitchen. Rafael stuffed himself until he was full while Sonny’s nonna looked on approvingly.

Rafael blamed the meal for dulling his reflexes when he found himself with a lapful of toddler as Lucy obviously decided he was her favorite grown-up today. He called Sonny for help with his eyes as she made herself comfortable, but the traitor only laughed and snapped a picture on his phone.

She fell asleep quickly and Tommy finally came to his rescue, picking her up and carrying her upstairs, presumably to a bedroom where she could nap.

Free of the baby, he drifted back toward Sonny. His two teenage cousins had challenged him and Greg to a game, and all four were looking intently at the cards in their hands and alternately calling out their choices or placing brightly colored plastic pieces on the board. Sonny looked up at him with a distracted smile when Rafael set a hand on his shoulder, but soon went back to the game.

Rafael settled on the sofa and made small talk with Sonny’s sisters until Sonny finished his game and joined him. By that time, night was beginning to fall and the gathering was breaking up, people making the rounds to say goodbye.

Teresa leaned toward Rafael. “Do you want me to drive you back?”

“Both of us, please, Terry. I’m making my escape tonight,” Sonny said before Rafael could answer.

“I’m not driving to your neck of the woods,” Teresa said, horrified.

“You won’t have to,” Rafael said in as neutral a voice as he could muster. “He’s staying with me tonight.”

Sonny waggled his eyebrows, sending the girls into fits of giggles.

“Attaboy,” Bella said. She stood up. “I’m going to collect the family and go, too, if I want to have enough time to bathe and feed Lucy before her bedtime. It’s been nice meeting you again, Rafael.”

* * *

Barely an hour later, they were in the entrance hall, their packed bags already secured in the trunk of Teresa’s car. Sonny was enduring his mother’s recommendations with good grace, but it was obvious he wasn’t listening.

Rafael hugged Tessa and whispered in her ear, “I’ll make sure he doesn’t take on too much and I’ll let you know how he is.”

She smiled gratefully at him.


	15. Evening of Day 19

Teresa left them in front of Rafael’s building. Rafael led Sonny inside.

In the elevator, Sonny said without looking at Rafael, “I think you should know. Yesterday I stopped at Walgreens for condoms and lube. I wasn’t sure what you would have at home, and I wanted to be prepared.”

Rafael’s breath hitched. Trying to match Sonny’s indifferent tone, he remarked, “The walls aren’t any thicker at my apartment, but I don’t know my neighbors and I don’t care what they think of me.”

Sonny didn’t visibly react, but a second later a hand groped his ass. Rafael pushed back into it.

His hands shook as he rifled through his keychain and he nearly let the keys fall. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he managed to get the door open. He waved Sonny through and followed.

Before he had time to actually lock the door behind him, Sonny pushed him against it, trapping Rafael with his own body, until all Rafael was aware of was the tongue exploring his mouth and the erection pressing against his belly.

There was enough of a height difference between them to make the position unsatisfactory, though, so Rafael pulled away and said, “The bedroom is at the end of the corridor.”

Sonny looked over his shoulder, then quickly took off his coat and started on Rafael’s. He abandoned them on the floor, but Rafael was too distracted to protest. They left a trail of clothes in the corridor, then laughed their way through taking off their shoes, hopping and holding onto each other.

Rafael pushed Sonny, who fell onto the bed, limbs sprawled, inviting. Rafael took in the sight, then followed on all fours.

He had forgotten the heady feeling of exploring another man’s body, mapping it out with fingers and mouth. He touched Sonny with reverence and all the feelings he had bottled up for so long.

Sonny’s hands were everywhere, squeezing his ass, unbuckling his belt, pulling Rafael’s head down for a kiss.

The frustration and anticipation of the last few days had exploded into a frenzy, and neither man could get enough of the other.

Rafael pulled Sonny’s pants off his legs, leaving him in fitted boxers that left nothing to the imagination. Scouting down the bed, Rafael finally put one of his fantasies into practice. He dropped a kiss on the skin between navel and elastic, then slowly mouthed at the length of Sonny’s cock, making him jerk up. Sonny’s musky scent and Sonny’s fingers tightening in his hair were enough to drive Rafael wild.

He tugged the boxers down, careful with the elastic band, until he uncovered his prize. Sonny’s cock was hard and red, velvety under his touch.

His fingers ran lightly up and down Sonny’s cock, drawing moans and incoherent babbling from him. He was twitching almost uncontrollably and Rafael rubbed his hips in a calming gesture.

He took pity on Sonny and took him into his mouth, sucking lightly on the head before sliding down the shaft. Rafael pushed on Sonny’s hips to keep from being choked by his enthusiasm.

Reluctantly, he released Sonny, who whined in protest.

“Can’t let you come. I want you to fuck me.”

That seemed to stave off Sonny’s complaints. Rafael helped him get rid of the boxers, and while Sonny was going back to the corridor to hunt for the condoms and lube he’d bought, Rafael took off the rest of his clothes and waited for him in a sprawl he hoped didn’t look too ridiculous.

He needn’t have worried: the look on Sonny’s face when he took in the sight was pure lust, with no room for anything else.

Sonny covered him with his body, cradled between Rafael’s spread legs, kissing him again and again and again until Rafael stopped thinking. He was almost surprised when he felt fingers between his cheeks, circling and pressing and finally breaching him.

His body accommodated Sonny’s finger easily. Rafael sighed with happiness at the feeling. Sonny was careful but not tentative, and soon enough he added another finger. There was the slightest burn, but it was just another sensation adding to the overall experience.

Then Sonny found his prostate and Rafael renounced rational thoughts for a while. He held on for dear life and let himself be taken on for the ride. Sonny added a third finger, then a fourth, and at this point it was not so much preparation as just trying to drive Rafael mad with pleasure and frustration.

It was working.

Finally, finally, Sonny pulled out his fingers, and even as Rafael protested at the sudden empty feeling, he realized what that meant.

He spread his legs further and canted his hips up in invitation. After all that preparation, Rafael was more than ready and Sonny entered him in one long stroke. For a moment, they remained locked together, forehead against forehead, breathing the same air, then Sonny started to move. Slowly at first, but then he picked up speed, until the whole bed was shaking and hitting the wall in a steady staccato.

Rafael’s cock was trapped between their bodies. There was not quite enough stimulation, until Sonny sneaked a hand down. There was not much finesse to his movements now, but Rafael was way past the point of caring.

His orgasm took him by surprise. Sonny drank his groans from his mouth and cradled him until he was spent. Only when he had seen to Rafael’s pleasure did he take his, his thrusts becoming erratic and more forceful, until he stilled, his back arched over Rafael’s body, his face buried in the crook of Rafael’s neck.

Rafael stroked his ribs soothingly as Sonny’s breathing and heartbeat slowed down. Sonny slowly slumped over his body until Rafael had to push him away just to breathe.

They detached with a wince, and Sonny took off the condom. He tied it up, then rolled out of bed.

“Bathroom?”

Rafael had to think about the answer. Sonny disappeared into the corridor. He came back a few minutes later with a warm washcloth he used to clean Rafael up before settling back on the bed, his arms around Rafael.

Rafael was just settling in comfortably when Sonny tensed.

“Shit, the food!”

He shot out of the bed and out of the room, naked as the day he was born, presumably to take care of the half dozen boxes he’d brought back from his parents.

Rafael started laughing helplessly. He was still laughing when Sonny came back, a sheepish expression on his face. He sat down, the mattress dipping under his weight, and poked Rafael in the ribs.

“You wouldn’t be laughing if the panna cotta had spoiled.”

That only made Rafael laugh harder. Sonny gave up on him and lay down again, arranging the sheets and duvet until they were both cocooned in their warmth.

Calming down, Rafael said, “You make me happy.”


End file.
